If I Fell│John Lennon/Beatles FanFiction

Chapter 57 - 25.Sept.1964

Chapter 57

September 25, 1964

Wake up.

I needed to open my damned eyes...because I wasn't meant to stay with Mum, no matter how much I needed her, no matter how much I missed her. I knew I had to fight the looming black hole enveloping my mind, and I had to find John because I needed to see him. One more time.

So I tried to think, I tried to fight, and I tried like hell to wake up.

And sometimes I thought I heard John...his voice breaking through the darkness. His voice, Paul's voice, so many voices, it was almost impossible to distinguish them. Where were they coming from, and were they even real or was I dreaming?

Discomfort crept in like a rising tide. And soon, there was so much pain that it became almost unbearable. My head ached like it was splitting in two, but it was different from before. The ache was deeper, and I worried my head might explode.

My hand tightened around my mother's, wanting her comfort, trying to get her to shield me from the agony, like she'd done before. But her hand felt different. Larger, callused.

"Livvy, wake up." The voice was so far away, like the person was shouting at me from across a field. But it sounded so much like him, his unique, sometimes nasal-sounding voice that I'd grown up with. The one I'd fallen in love with long before admitting my feelings to myself. It wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and I wanted him to keep talking, even if I was only dreaming him into existence.

I squeezed my hand again around Mum's, and she squeezed back, but it still felt wrong. And suddenly I realized I wasn't holding her hand anymore. She was gone. My heart started to race as heat rushed through my body. Where the hell was I, whose bloody hand was I holding, and why was it trembling? I shook my head, but it hurt, and I raised my free hand to the ache, trying to ease the pain. There was something soft around my head.

I gritted my teeth as I shifted. My entire body resisted the movement as if I hadn't moved in years. A pillow cradled my head, and I was lying beneath a soft duvet...when did I get into a bed? Is that where Paul had taken me, to my bed? I thought we were meant to go to the doctor.

"No movin', Liv. Just relax." The voice was closer. "Can you open yer eyes?"

It took everything in me to focus, to pry my eyes open and escape the darkness that had all but consumed me. But soon I was blinking as my eyes adjusted to the dim light around me. It took another long moment for my head to process my surroundings because it was almost impossible to concentrate. 

My eyes flitted around the hospital room, and I must've been connected to every monitoring device known to man. There was a steady beep that let the doctors know my heart was beating, probably much too quickly, and a blood pressure cuff was wrapped around my arm.

I turned my head and moaned in pain as my eyes connected with John's. Tears immediately welled in my eyes as my chest heaved, and I sobbed silently as I tightened my grip on him.

It was John holding my hand. His large, callused fingers gripped my hand as he scooted closer. He sat on a chair pulled up to the side of the bed, one hand holding mine and the other stroking my cheek with the gentlest touch.

"John?" I asked through the sobs, my chest so tight it almost hurt. The crying only intensified the throbbing in my head. "Are you real?"

"Course I'm real. What kind of question is tha?" His glasses-covered eyes glistened with wetness, and I could tell he was holding back the tears, refusing to let them fall. "Aye, Liv. Calm down, all right? Gettin' all worked up isn't good for you. You've gotta breathe."