If I Fell│John Lennon/Beatles FanFiction

Chapter 4 - 25.Feb.1960

Chapter 4

February 25, 1960

The cold air nipped at my bare arms, but it was almost welcome to feel something other than pain. There was a strange haze in my mind, making it impossible to think straight. I pulled the cardigan over my arms, ignoring the discomfort.

I stood in front of the familiar door. I'd knocked on it countless times before, but never so late. And never so desperate. I hadn't even been sure where my bare feet would carry me once I managed to climb off the roof of my house. But I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. He was my anchor even amongst the most treacherous waters.

A light glowed through the front window. Had he forgotten to turn it off before heading to bed? Or maybe Aunt Mimi had decided to come home early, though she was meant to be out of town.

I'd considered climbing to his bedroom window like I had countless times before, mostly when we were younger. But getting out of my window had been difficult enough, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to scale the tree behind his house.

I lifted my right hand. It still trembled, my nerves still controlling my every move. Without thinking, I rapped my knuckles against the wood.

Nothing moved inside the house. Maybe he wasn't even home. I shook my head, refusing to believe I might be stuck outside with just a cardigan to keep me warm and no bloody shoes on my feet. With another deep breath, I knocked on the door again, with a little more force. I took several steps backward.

This time there was movement. Something crashed to the floor, and I heard a muffled voice through the thin door. He was swearing at something. Heavy footsteps carried him to the door, but he hesitated. I didn't blame him...it was late.

"John," I said, my voice cracking. "It's me."

The door handle twisted, and he pulled the door open. He stood with only one eye open and his hair a proper mess, as if he' been sleeping on the couch. It looked like he'd been drooling, and it was almost enough for me to crack a smile...almost. A record played quietly in the background.

"Livvy?" he mumbled my name before rubbing a hand over his face, as if trying to rub the sleep from his features. "Whaterya doing 'ere?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The words were stuck in my throat. I wrapped my arms around myself and stood there. My entire body shook, and I wasn't sure if it was from the cold or the nerves anymore. Probably both.

Maybe coming to John was a mistake.

I'd promised myself long ago that I wouldn't involve him in any of my mess. He had enough on his plate. So then why was I at his door?

"Liv? That's you, innit?" He squinted at me before reaching down beside him and pulling his glasses from the entry table. He pushed the thick, black frames onto his face. And that was when his beautifully bright brown eyes widened. The sleepy look was all but gone. 

"Shit. Shit, Liv. Shit."

John hesitated a moment, his stance rigid as his mind processed the sight of me. He kept mumbling the same swear over and over. But he unfroze the next instant, and reached for me, stepping into the frozen night and carefully pulling me into his arms. He ushered me inside, into the warmth, keeping his long arms wrapped securely around me. He hadn't hugged me like this in a long time. His arms felt like home. There was no better place in the world. And at that moment I knew the answer to my question. This was the reason I'd come to John. Because I needed to feel safe.

Safe. I was finally safe.

"Tell me you're all right. Tell me."

I wasn't used to hearing John beg, so I gathered everything I had to form a few simple words. "I'm all right."