If I Fell│John Lennon/Beatles FanFiction

Chapter 62 - 9.Nov.1964

Chapter 62 

November 9, 1964

The stairwell was empty, all of the pictures boxed up, but because they'd stayed in one spot for countless years, I could see the outline of where they once hung. I was a bit numb as we stepped into my room, the only room left with a bed.

I looked from my tiny bed to John as he pulled his glasses off and glanced at me before collapsing onto the old mattress. Moments later, he pulled at his belt as if he was about to undress. And there was no bleeding way I'd be able to control myself if he ended up practically starkers in front of me...I was barely holding myself together with him fully dressed.

"What in the bloody hell are you doin'?" I turned my back to him as I tried to breathe, my chest heaving. My logical brain finally clicked on, and I began to think straight again. Fuckin' hell...I never should've let him into my room. "Have you lost yer mind? You don't think you're sleepin' in this miniature bed with me, do you?"

"Where else would you have me sleep?"

"At yer damned house. You know the one, just three doors down." I didn't turn to look at him, too worried he was completely starkers by now. "Mimi's back, and I'm sure she'd love to have you."

"Not gonna leave you here alone, Liv." He paused to push out a breath. And as I envisioned him naked behind me, my cheeks filled with heat. "I know what this house does to you...turns you beyond nutty."

I didn't love when he called me nutty, but he certainly wasn't wrong about what the house did to me.

"If you're gonna insist on sleepin' here, then you get the ruddy floor." I gathered my courage and turned around before grabbing the spare blanket from the foot of the bed. I shoved it against John's chest as my eyes fell to his unbuckled belt, but at least his clothes were still on. "How are we supposed to stay only mates if we keep sleepin' in the same bed, especially one this size?"

He peeked at me through the corner of his eye. "Used to do it all the time."

"Yeah, and what a proper good idea that was. Cause then I fell in love with you, remember tha?"

My eyes darted to his as my cheeks flushed with even more heat. I fumbled with the bottom of my dress as my heart thundered in my chest. Why in the hell had I just let those words slip out of my mouth? I was such a prat, a dim-witted barmy prat. Maybe I really did need to get my head checked.

"Liv." John didn't move as he looked at me, his fingers gripping the edge of the bed, as if bracing for what he was about to say. He pulled in a deep breath, his shoulders moving as he lowered his voice. "Do you still love me?"

"What?" I backed away from him, my heart nearing what I thought might be a heart attack.

"You heard me...don't be daft."

My back smacked against the bedroom wall. "What does it matter?" I sputtered, my words tumbling out of my mouth. "We decided to not do it like this, to not make things complicated."

"Tell me." He parted his legs as he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, never breaking eye contact. "Do you still love me or not? Even after what we did to each other?"

I stared at him for several long, agonizing moments. I bit at the inside of my lip as the walls I'd built around me came tumbling down. All of the rules I put in place to help keep my distance—vanished. All of the decisions I made to help bury every unwelcome urge—gone. It was as if I'd been stripped bare of my tough exterior, and I was left vulnerable in front of him.