If I Fell│John Lennon/Beatles FanFiction

Chapter 18 - 1.April.1961

Chapter 18

April 1, 1961

They'd arrived at the train station with so much in tow that I hardly knew how they could travel. They managed to look knackered and energized at the same time, eyes wide as they began a new chapter in their career.

Seeing them had been everything I'd needed. Paul's legendary hug almost brought tears to my eyes. I knew I'd been lonely, but I maybe hadn't realized just how much I missed my friends. George greeted me with a typical 'Alright, Liv,' before wrapping me in a tight embrace. I wondered what they must have thought of me staying in Hamburg for months on my own. Must've thought I'd gone mental, and maybe I had.

Seeing John had been good for my soul, and I worked hard to bury my feelings for him because I wanted things to be normal between us. But I could already tell there had been a shift. There was something about his hug. It was hesitant, controlled, and his hold on me didn't linger.

It was Saturday, the first night of their new residency at the Top Ten Club. I wasn't scheduled to work, so Astrid and I walked with purpose toward the club to enjoy a night out with the lads, our arms interlinked. My dark grey graphic dress with three-quarter length sleeves clung to me, falling to my mid-thigh. I'd spent too long debating what to wear, my mind a frazzled mess. I was overthinking every tiny detail because I'd likely spend time actually speaking to John if he stayed round me long enough for a conversation. And the thought of talking to him...well, it made me a little crazy.

When the large sign with block letters came into view, we ducked into the door. The club was already filling up with an audience who was ready to be entertained. The waiters, adorned in white jackets, bustled around the room with countless bottles of beer or Coca-Cola for the energetic crowd. The club was one big room, a comfortable space with the stage set along the sidewall. It was only raised slightly off the ground, and there was no distance between the performers and the audience. No place to hide. Just continuous full-on exposure.

The bar was becoming familiar to me, though I usually stayed behind it. It was located to the right of the musicians along the back wall, the perfect place to watch the performances. I'd sorely missed the Beatles though...the way they played was simply unmatched by anyone else who had been performing since I'd taken the job. Peter Eckhorn had gone through great efforts to bring the lads back, and I knew he was pleased they were finally set to begin performing.

The boys were in the middle of a set when we made our way through the crowd and toward the stage. They were a sea of darkness that evening. John captured my attention with his perfectly fit dark jeans and leather jacket over a black, fitted shirt. I stared at him as I reminded myself that we were mates. Nothing more, nothing less.

My heart picked up its pace as Astrid placed a beer bottle in my hand, her eyes instantly connecting with Stu's. He grinned at her and stopped playing for a moment, too engrossed in Astrid to see or do anything else.

If at all possible, the lads had only gotten better and more confident on stage. I was sure the countless hours playing at the Top Ten Club would do nothing but firmly secure their spot as one of the best rock 'n' roll bands in Liverpool, if not all of bloody England.

They only got a fifteen-minute break every hour, so as they finished their set, I hurried backstage, trying to remember how I used to behave with John before we'd managed to ruin everything. It shouldn't have been that hard to recreate. I'd done it for years. But I felt uncomfortable in my own skin...like I didn't even know who I was with John anymore.

I pushed through the door, and John was the only person inside, strumming his guitar and smoking a cig. He didn't notice me as I stood in the doorway, hesitating, unsure of what in the hell to say.