Loveless (Book 1) [Completed]

Chapter 84.

RICK.

Am I going to disappear? The thought crossed Ren's mind over and over again as he made his way to the hospital. He had tried to assure the Director and the crew that he was okay now and that he didn't need to be checked up, however, they were adamant on him visiting a hospital just in case.

Upon examining him, the doctor concluded that there was nothing wrong with him. That finally got Yashiro and Ogata a little relieved. Yet, Ren wasn't satisfied. It wasn't his health he was worried about. But how he had totally lost himself back there.

One minute he was Ren Tsuruga, driving, and the other, as he tried to dodge crashing into the boy, he was Kuon again. According to what the others told him, he remained paralyzed like that for about fifteen minutes afterwards.

He closed his eyes, and the horrible memories darkened his mind once again. Rick's accident, Tina's tears, it was all his fault. Since five years has passed, he thought he had finally moved on. But turned out, he hadn't.

He shuddered even imagining how things would've ended up if Kyoko hadn't been there to save him.

Would I have stayed stuck in that trance? He wondered. Or would I have lost myself, being crushed by Kuon?

However things would've ended up, one thing was clear: he wasn't remotely ready to face his demons yet. It made him wonder if he had shown haste in agreeing to play the part of BJ, since he wouldn't be able to reach the depth of the character, unless he used all his potential, and that included letting out Kuon and facing what he was most afraid of.

The first time he had been defeated by Kuon, it was the President who had saved him, and this time it was Kyoko. If he always needed to rely on others to be saved, would he ever be ready to face this monster inside of him?

Takarada had assured him he was ready, but the President had also said that he wouldn't be able to do this alone, that he needed her if he truly wanted to challenge this darkness and battle it out.

If you ask me, I think you need her. That girl is your lucky charm. Only she can help you if your past self takes over.

Now that Ren recalled Takarada's words, he was finally starting to understand why the President had created Setsuka. Telling Kyoko that her job was to make sure Ren didn't skip his meals, it was only an excuse. The real reason Takarada was sending her with him on the Tragic Marker set was because he knew how much Ren needed her.

A lucky charm? That's what he had called her. After what happened today, how Kyoko had saved him, Ren couldn't agree more.

After the stunt, he had been completely frozen, surrounded by the demons which had been haunting him for years. He was so cold that he his blood might have turned to ice in his viens; he was chilled to the bone. When all of a sudden, a warmth caressed the skin of his hands and it slowly suffused through out him. His vision resettled, and the first thing he saw was Kyoko's face. Finally coming to the realization that it had all been just a dream, he had smiled from relief. It was then he knew, no matter what was up against, he needed her if he wanted to succeed.

Nobody had even that kind of affect on him except for her. This was proof enough that he wouldn't be able to fight Kuon without her.

His brows creased into a frown. Sooner or later, he'd have to let Kuon resurface, even though he had kept him locked up inside of him all these years. Only thinking about it was enough to let the discomfort show on his face.

"Anything wrong?" Ogata, who had been sitting beside Ren in the car, wondered aloud, reading his face. "You're not feeling sick, are you?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine. The doctor said so too." Ren allowed an easy smile on his face to prove his words. "Sir, once again, I'm really sorry for causing the delay."