King of My Heart - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Part 28

Warnings for this chapter: Depression, PTSD, Suicidal toughts

"She can't see me like this, Steve! How dare you to send a letter without my consent!" Bucky looked at Steve with rage on his eyes.

"It's better for her to stay away from me and never come back." He continued but Steve remained by his side, trying to calm him down.

"They're about to get here anytime now, Buck. Let's wait outside, shall we?" Steve insisted but feeling like he was stepping on eggshells.

"Just leave me here and go away, Steve!"

Bucky yelled at his best friend as he paced back and forth while Steve hang his head low, looking to the floor. Steve knew that Bucky's recovery would take time but all the anger his best friend was keeping inside of him made his expectations being naive. Everything was being worse than he thought it would.

"Buck, we all know (Y/N) loves you despite anything. I'm certain she misses you very much and wants to see you again. Don't you think so too?" Steve continued but Bucky scoffed, spilling the words on a bitter tone like it was venom coming out of his mouth.

"She loves the man she left all those weeks ago. Not this one. How am I supposed to be a king, to hold her in my arms like this? You should've left me to die, Steve." He finally admitted what was eating him inside, he didn't want to live anymore... Not like this. Feeling incomplete, without a limb... All the pain he's facing daily and you... You don't deserve this, you deserve someone better. Someone whole.

"I would never do such a thing. You don't mean that, Bucky. Please..." Steve continued, trying to reason with him but Bucky stopped him, lifting his right hand.

"You can leave now, Steve. I want to be alone." Bucky said without looking at him.

"Buck, let's talk about..." Bucky interrupted him again.

"I'm still your king and I just ordered you to go! Leave me alone!" He screamed now and Steve felt his heart breaking at the sight of his best friend, his brother, his king falling into pieces and that was nothing he could do about it. He only hope that you could be the one to bring Bucky back from this dark place he was in.

"Of course, your majesty." He said before turning to the door and leaving.

In that moment Bucky broke down. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror but he didn't recognized himself anymore. His hair was longer than should be, his beard too. And the bags under his eyes were darker and deeper revealing all the nights he couldn't sleep because of the pain or the nightmares. Some nights both of them. Wanda helped him with some medication but in the end of the day, when he was alone at his chamber, the one he shared with you, nothing could help him. How could you love him like this? A broken man without an arm... How pathetic and useless.

He watched from the window as your carriage approached the main gates from the castle. He could see Sam and the other guards and he felt a shiver running down his spine. He needed to prepare himself to face you and tell you the truth. He needed to let you go.

Author's note: Hey everyone! This chapter was really hard to write. Bucky is on a dark place now but I think it was necessary for the story. Things will get better on the next chapters I promise. Thank you for reading x