36 | no doubts anymore

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L I L Y

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L I L Y

"We should probably talk," said James gently. "I owe you an explanation. And an apology."

Lily took a deep breath. Part of her wanted to be petty and yell at him to get out of the cafe, that she had no interest in talking, just like he didn't when she was leaving the resort, and the two days after that. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest and her teeth were clenched as she tried to keep herself from tearing up again. But she had to hear him out. A conversation wouldn't hurt. Besides, she wanted to believe he had a good explanation for his strange behaviour. She wanted to believe he truly cared about her.

"Fine," Lily muttered. "We can talk. Let's see what you have to say to explain yourself."

A relieved smile broke across James' face and his hazel eyes lit up. "Brilliant! Can we sit?"

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak while he looked at her like that. Dammit, why did he have to be so bloody adorable all the time? Lily looked at Irene through the ajar door of the back room, motioning for her to take over the cashier position. Irene raised a thumbs up and made her way behind the counter, while Lily went to sit at an empty table in the corner, right across from James.

"Alright," she said, clearing her throat. She pulled the chair closer to the table and linked her hands together, shooting him a challenging look. "Talk. I'm all ears."

James wet his lips with the tip of his tongue and lowered his gaze, almost as if in shame. Can you stop being so hot while I'm trying to be mad at you?, thought Lily in frustration. She looked down as well and untucked some strands of hair from behind her ears to cover up her flushed cheeks.

"Look, Lily," he started. "I'm really sorry I didn't show up to say goodbye the day you left. I was trying to push the thought of you leaving out of my mind as much as possible, because I knew I would have a hard time saying goodbye."

He paused and took a deep breath. Tentatively, Lily lifted her gaze again to meet his. James swallowed before continuing.

"Before Jess and I ended things, she went to visit her grandparents up in Glasgow. We used to plan everything together, and when either of us made travel plans by ourselves, we would tell the other before even preparing for the trip. But this time, she went ahead and bought a train ticket, and only came to see me to let me know she was going. That's when I knew something had changed. And I was right. When she came back . . . that's when she broke off our engagement.

"The thought of you leaving brought me back to that day. I got so scared, Lily. It was stupid, I know, but . . . I guess I always blamed myself for what happened with Jess, and I never got proper closure-well, until today, that is-so I . . . I was afraid you would leave me too. Especially since we've only known each other for two weeks, and a lot of people have casual relationships over the summer that aren't meant to last. I mean, just look at Sirius and Irene. I told myself I would end things this time before-before you could leave me, and I was gonna do it over text but . . . I couldn't."

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