Sincerely, Ness |J.H|

Funeral

*it's her funeral today...I invited the boys and the girls to it because they loved her too. And I only invited Bryce because I know I'm gonna need a shoulder to cry on today. I miss her so fucking much. I just wish she didn't do it. I have to make a speech today. Cant fucking wait for that. I think the most scary part about today is seeing her lifeless body in a casket in 2 hours. I'm gonna burst into tears*

*Skip to the funeral*

E: Jaden are you sure your gonna be ok?

J: no...but I'll try to keep it in.

J: now son I want you to know that you can cry if you really have to. It's ok to cry you just lost the love of your life.

*her dad says as he fixes my tie and  I start to tear up*

J: I don't know if I'll make it through the speech.

E: it's ok if you can't do the speech I can have Anna go before you if you really want.

J: that'll be nice.

E: ok then.

*we drive to the funeral home and I see the casket in one of the rooms I start softly sobbing. I walk up to her and fall on my knees Bryce runs up to me and hugs me*

J: I can't do it bryce. I can't!

B: shh.

J: I loved her and she left! Why did she leave man why?!

B: I- I don't know Jaden but you need to calm down.

J: I miss her so much Bryce why couldn't have been me.

B: don't say that bro. I would lose myself if I lost you.

J: well I already died inside Bryce. And I might as well actually die, I want to be with her again bryce. Please let me do it, I need her to survive.

B: your not gonna do anything ok? You are going to eventually get better and find a gorgeous woman that will be your wife and the mother of your kids you understand? Now Anna is making her speech soon come on.

*i nod and we start setting up chairs in-front Nessa. And everyone takes there seats Anna walks up there and starts talking*

A: we all knew Nessa as a lovely kind-heart sweet girl that would always put a smile on your face. You know ever since I meant her in the 8th grade she's been my best friend and I couldn't ask for anymore than that. She was a kind helpful friend that would do anything to make you happy. She wrote music she loved it, it was that and Jaden that made her happy. When i met her, she introduced me to him. He was so giggly and happy. I could tell they both loved each other very much. I miss her every single day. She wasn't just mine but she was everyone's happiest. I remember this one time me her Bryce and Jaden were all hanging out and um my parents had just gotten divorce not just her but all three helped cheer me up. She was my best friend and I would do anything to bring her back. Thank you.

*everyone clapped silently as she leaves the podium with tears running down her face. It was my turn I stood up and took a deep breathe as I walk up to the stand. Everyone stopped clapping and listened to me*

J: hi if you don't know me I'm Jaden, I was nessa's boyfriend. I grew up only knowing what's inside of fairytales. The girl is in trouble the boy comes and saves her. They fall in love and it's happily ever after. But not with us. She was my light, my world and most of all she was my best friend. I was the one in trouble and she saved me. We fell in love and it all went downhill. I miss her. I see her in her mom when she's helping me with life problems and I see her in her dad when he sings. I see her in Bryce when he's partying because she loved to party. And I see her in Anna when I'm at her soccer games. But mostly I see her in her brother Blake, I see the kind loving person that's in Blake and it reminds me of her. That why I pushed everyone away when she passed it- it was too hard for me to see her. I sometimes see her and she talks to me. She still helps me it's like she's free now but she still finds time to help me out. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. When I met her she tripped on a rock and almost fell but I caught her. She was 9 and I was 11. Years go by and we have our first kiss then I asked her out and everything else is history. She wasn't just my girl friend she was my best friend. I loved her so much and I still do. I don't know how long it's gonna take me to move on and I might never move on but if I do I will name my kid after her. And I'll love that woman as much as I loved Nessa. Nessa will always be in my heart and I will always love her but I can't live in the past my whole life. When I saw her lifeless body laying on the ground in a pool of her own blood I- my heart shattered. I couldn't even talk all I wanted to know is why and now I do. It was because she wasn't happy it wasn't because of me or her parents or Dixie or Kio or mads or anyone it was all her. She choice to do it and it happened. I wish it didn't but it's better then her suffering, now it's only us that suffer. We have to tell stories about her to our kids. Help them understand that that's not the only way. Because once you do it your gone there's no turning back. I've only loved one girl in my life and that's Janesa fucking Barrett! I can't wait until I see her again. When I die I'm gonna go to heaven and right when I see her I'm gonna give her a big hug and kiss and tell her how much I missed her. Thank you.

*I see everyone's in tears I walk up to Nessa and kiss her forehead*

J: I love you baby. I'll see you soon. *i whispered*

Ill see you soon...