Nefarious

Equanimity part.2

"Instead of forcing people to go to the hospitals, they kill them. They take it upon themselves to judge whether that person is worthy of life or not and if they're not, they order people to kill them. People like me" I admit, ashamed of myself

I look up to see three confused faces

"I don't get it?" Chaeyoung says

"They kill people. No redeeming them, no sending them to the hospital. Just dead. But they can't get their hands dirty, seeing as Father has them right next to him at all times. So they get people like me, bam and kevin to do it"

"What do you mean people like you?" Lisa asks

"When our Mama died, we were so lost. It wasn't even a normal grieving. It was painful and everyday was a bad one. But because we're not normal, instead of killing ourselves and drowning in sorrow. We found a scapegoat in violence. We'd go into the forests and hunt, but often found that wasn't enough."

"Adelpha and her Mother told us, that they could help us with our pain. That if we joined their little secret we'd be okay again"

"So we did. We killed people and lied to our father, saying that we weren't there in time. But really, we were draining souls, mutilating bodies and just tearing ourselves apart"

Lisa lifts my head to face her, gently smiling but I can see the sadness in her eyes

"How many?" She asks slowly, not once moving her eyes from mine

"I-I can't even tell you. But the ratio to me killing people, to helping them is pretty damn big"

They nod their head, and Lisa lets go of my face, kissing my cheek gently as she holds my hand

The room goes quiet for a bit, but it's not tense. It's comforting. The door opens and Bambam and Kevin walk in

"Sup Wednesday" Kevin says, sitting on the small seat next to Jisoo. They high five each other and snicker at the nickname, while Bambam sits next to me on the bed

"I was just going over family history with them." I explain, voice slightly hoarse

"Everything?" Kevin asks slowly

I nod my head, and the room falls into silence again

"If I may." Chaeyoung starts, standing up so that she can see all of us

"Going off what Jen just told us, why the fuck are you guys blaming yourselves for everything? I apologise for the loss of your Mama, but that wasn't your fault, it was unfortunately inevitable. You guys experiencing tremendous loss and grievance and because of your own nature couldn't find a way to fix it so in desperate times you took an offer? Once again not your fault."

We sit in silence, while Lisa and Jisoo move so that now Me, Kevin and Bam are sitting on the bed as Chaeyoung goes on

"The only thing that is your fault, is the fact that you've held onto that guilt for so long, it's all just piling up. And then you guys wonder why your so angry and moody all the time. I doubt your mother would've wanted this, and I doubt your father want's it. So please, take some time and just say to yourself that it's not your fault, and not everything has to be controlled  by you"

Kevin and Bambam look at me, and all three of us let out a small chuckle

Not our fault? She must not have heard when I said we killed people.

People who may have wanted a second chance at life

People who may have had families out there, wondering if they were ever coming back

"Stop! If you want to do this memory shit Jennie, listen to me right now" Jisoo says, grabbing my shoulders

I blink back a few tears and gulp as her eyes dull into mine

"It is not your fault that Adelpha played you like some pawn, your not invincible. It is not your fault that Adelpha's Mom gets her kick from beating little kids cause no man want's to shove it in her. It's not your fault , that when you were hurting, you did some bad shit. At the end of the day, you have emotions, and that's what separates you from them. So, are you going to accept that, or are you going to wallow like some idiot?"

a/n what do u think of the back story? I didn't wanna pile it all on, but i didn't wanna drag the whole convo out either

also, what languages do u guys know?

I know:
English(2nd language)
Portuguese (1st language)
Thai
French
Italian