❤︎Pain & Passion❤︎ ✔︎

•Chapter- 21•

Sleep isn't something I get often. I mean I get sufficient amount of sleep required for a human being but not the peaceful amount of sleep every human wants or craves, or needs.

And I stopped waiting to get that thinking maybe it's not for me. I stopped sleeping like I have everything and everyone I want years ago.....

It took a certain doe-eyed girl coming into my life to show that to me. Last night was the first time in years I slept peacefully without any........thoughts. She is something I never expected to come and something now I can never expect to go.

All my life we have moved a lot due to Dad establishing his business. My dad did not have it easy and we all had to adjust to moving in and out of India and sometimes abroad but Mom made sure we are living our lives to the fullest and happy and content. One good thing is that my friends always stuck to me like glue and never made me feel alone. In all these years I have seen many people. Dad used to train me since I was a kid not to become a businessman but to become someone good.....the best version of myself.

Being seen how the world works my Dad wanted me to start taking care of myself by understanding the world around and he made sure I learned.

And I have seen how people can get. I have seen all kinds of people, good, bad, cunning, backstabbers, kind, you name it.

But I haven't seen someone like her. I haven't seen..........felt good to be alone with anybody than her.

My feelings are so mixed up at the moment about her I want to run away. I am the most feared man out there yet sitting here in front of her I feel as if I am nothing but someone who is at her mercy. Who is this girl and what black magic has she done to me?

When this marriage proposal came I thought I will be cordial with her and that's all. I thought I would be there for her, provide for her and maybe see where this goes. But in such a small amount of time, she just makes me want to do everything. And it scares me.

Yesterday night the way she showed utmost grace and care to not just my feelings but also hers is an example of how good she is. She understood that I need time but instead of just leaving it be she also put forth her opinions of what she wants. She is so strong. I haven't seen anyone with that kind of a perspective in like.....ever?

And it terrifies the fuck out of me because I have an ache in my heart after so long. After so long I feel....an ache and I don't want to. I don't know what it is.

Last night when I kissed her.....God that kiss.......I have never kissed anyone like that. I have never had the urge to kiss someone like that. Heck! I never even initiated a kiss before like that. I tried my best to not go near her let alone kiss her. But my senses were long gone when I saw her in that thin towel. She is a beautiful god so hot and sexy. And I would be a fool to not have gotten images of her in my head......dirty images.

That visual of her being a tease haunted me throughout the dinner and when she let her heart out I just couldn't stop. I had to taste those plump lips that were mocking me since day 1. And it simply felt like........ whole.

The way she whispered my name was enough to send me into a blind rage to take her then and there but God knows how I controlled myself and just kissed her again.

Laying down beside her looking at her soft face I can't help but feel lucky and paranoid at the same time. She thinks I am good and someone trustworthy. I can see it in her eyes. Years of training on how to read a person.....you know about a person.

And I know she gives me a lot of regards. I just don't know if I deserve it. She can't.....know about me. I have past....no one can change that but opening up to her scares me. It........gives me doubts.

Wow! Advaith Raichand saying the word "scares" so many times. What has the world come to?

She will know about my past sooner or later and I hope it's later because I right now just don't have the..... strength to tell her. I....just don't want to open the old wounds. I wish I can.....but I need to form a much stronger bond with her if I even can tell her.

She doesn't need that type of mental exhaustion right now.

Until then all I can do is to get to know this enigmatic girl in front of me and figure out what I am feeling. It's not love I know that. I don't believe in staying together for a few days and falling in love. That's bullshit. Love can be unrealistic but for me not this much because you really need to know someone to love them. And I don't think we both are there at that point.

What I feel right now is something new and I gotta figure that out before it fucks with my mind.

My wife beside me twisted on my arm and squinted her eyes as to getting adjusted to the daylight. I just kept on looking at her adorable face when she looked at me straight in the eye and gave me that smile......

"Good morning" she wished me in her sexy morning voice which is soft yet a little scratchy.

I just stared at her taking her in and she looked at me confused.

"Are you okay? What is it?" And before she or I can think I did the one thing I want to do again and again.....

I kissed my wife.

Hello lovely readers! All of you wanted to have an update with Advaith's POV. This is not a chapter that has a lot of scenes but something that gets Advaith into thinking about his feelings. After all, we all want a moment to think of our feelings don't we?! And I am glad Advaith is not pushing his feeling away. Are you?!
Lemme know!