A Glimpse in Paradise

Chapter 30

Note: Errors ahead

"Let's go to the place where we used to hangout as friends," I said to him with a smile after he pulled over. "Sure," he replied. "We went there as friends, now, we're on our way there...still friends," he let out a deep breath and showed a cold smile.

"You're being unfair," bigla kong sabi. Nilingon n'ya 'ko na may pagtatakang ekspresyon. "I gave you a jolly smile but you gave me a cold one. How dare you, Cyrus?" I said in a sarcastic tone. He didn't reply until we arrived at Tagaytay.

I was in awe when I went out from his car,"It is still Tagaytay, nothing much changed. Sana ganun din ang feelings ng mga tao, hindi nagbabago," I said out of the blue. Nilingon lang ako ni Cyrus at parang wala s'yang balak na magsalita. He snapped his fingers right in my face like how he used to do, "C'mon, let's ride some rides before dinner," he finally opened his mouth and offered me his hand.

Yeah, let's have some fun before we ran out of time...

Sinakyan namin lahat ng mga rides na nanduon. Sinusulit n'ya yata habang magkasama kami.

He gave me some ice-cream after. He spitted out some corny jokes and we laughed until our stomach hurts.

While he's laughing, I stopped. It was nice seeing him being happy again like that. "I missed this... I missed seeing you being that happy again," I reiterated. Bigla s'yang natigilan, "I miss us being this genuinely happy before what happened. Weird 'no? 'Yong dapat ako 'yong masaya kasi nakikita kitang masaya, pero parang kabaliktaran," sabi n'ya sabay mapaklang tumawa.

"We were happy in each other's arms before, Cyrus. But it turned into a disaster," I replied.

Cyrus let out a deep breath before he stood up and lean on the railings. I followed him. The scenery of Taal complemented the houses' golden lights at night.

Nilingon n'ya 'ko, "I didn't cheat on you, Carrel. If only you gave me the chance to explain and clear everything. But I can't blame you because it was really my fault. If it wasn't because of me, none of these would've happened. If it wasn't because of that-- m-maybe we're genuinely living the life that I promised you."

"Maybe. . ." I whispered. "I know it's too late for me to give you the chance to explain, but go on. . ."

"Leslie was pregnant that time, but she had a miscarriage," he started. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi n'ya. "She tried to hide the truth from me, but you know me, I won't stop until I haven't dug the root of all the problems...," mapakla n'yang tawa pagkatapos. "... she confessed that the baby wasn't mine, and either Therence. Ginawa n'ya 'yon dahil sa pera and because Therence dumped her. After what happened, I did everything to find you. Pati mga magulang at mga kapatid mo hinarap ko para lang makita ka...," his voice broke and his tears fell down.

"...pero wala akong nakuha kasi lahat sila galit sa 'kin. Pero hindi ako sumuko sa paghahanap sa 'yo sa halos limang taon. I gave up my job, I roamed around everywhere just to find you, until I met your sister again. Pinakiusapan ko s'ya, I explained everything and she listened and told me that you were in New York and finally moved on. I also talked to your parents after that. I was a mess for those years.. longing for you, until now. Nasira at nawala lahat, hanggang pati si mama naaapektuhan na. Not until Aviona texted me a month before you went home. I realized na hindi ka magiging masaya kung ganito ako ka miserable, so I applied for a job again and fixed everything. That was when I saw you in front of the school."

"... I blamed my self for everything because no one was at fault but me. I regretted. Sana panaghinip lang lahat ng mga 'yon. Sana..," he stopped. "..sana tayo pa. I am very sorry, Carrel. I am sorry."

After that, hindi na s'ya nagsalita pa. So it's time for me to tell him everything now. "After what happened," I started. "..I pretended that everything was fine. I sunk myself to work and did everything to forget you and what you did, but I cant. I realized that you'd been a part of me since the day we met. Whatever I do, I couldn't let you out of my mind. I got depressed and I wasn't able to take good care of myself, not until I knew I was pregnant," yumuko ako pero ramdam ko ang pagkabigla n'ya. "But I lost Ali. I had a miscarriage. Kung kailan sobrang saya ko na kahit papano may magpapasaya sa 'kin sa kabila ng mga nangyari, nawala pa," namalisbis na ang luha ko. Ganun din si Cyrus.

"I was planning to tell you, but I don't have the courage to do so. That's when I left this country and tried to process everything. I thought when I lost you, I lost a part of myself, but worst came. When I lost Ali, I lost every inch of me. It's okay if I wasn't given the chance to be your lifetime partner, but the chance to be the mother of Ali...?" iyak lang ako nang iyak. Pinalis ko ang luha sa mga mata ko, "I named Aviona's daughter after our unborn child. I haven't had a boyfriend after you. Seems like everything we planned didn't happen according to what we wanted," I merely smiled but my tears betrayed me.

Heart can endure the pain, but eyes can't hide it.

"Kung alam ko lang, Carrel.. kung alam ko lang," pinaghahampas n'ya ang railings habang iyak nang iyak.

"It's okay, Cyrus. Because of what happened, I realized that I don't need a man to interfere with my life, that woman can always be a woman even without a man. Woman should not depend her happiness on a man, Cyrus."

"But a man can't live without a woman by her side," he replied.

"The boy I fetched that time is not my son. H-he's my brother," sabay tingin sa 'kin na pulang-pula ang mga mata. Sobrang iyak ko rin sa mga sinabi n'ya. Kung sana lang. . .

He faced me and held my hands, "Carrel, I lost you before... I-I can't afford to lose you for the one last time. This time, will you give me a chance to love you again? I won't let this moment be taken away."

Binawi ko ang mga kamay ko, "No can do, Cyrus. Our relationship ended years ago. Let's just give the peace our unborn child really deserves. There's no reason for us to be together again. Ali is gone. My love for you is gone. You're sorry, I forgive you. But sorry can't change my decision. Let us be happy for what life had brought us. I am happy for what you became, for what you reached. I am happy. Now, I want you to be happy, too."

He cupped my face while crying, "Carrel, you are the woman I chose to spend the rest of my life with, but I guess our feelings are not reciprocated," he pursed his lips, "I am happy that you had been a part of my life for the time being. Seeing you happy makes me happy. I love you so much, Carrel."

"I am leaving tomorrow..."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa mga sinabi ko, "What? Leaving.. again?"

I nodded.

"Let me watch you leave so I can no longer wait for you to come back, if that's what you want," he replied.

"This is already too much pain, Cyrus. Let's move on. Let's just visit Ali's tomb tomorrow," saka ko siya tinalikuran.

He whispered, "Carrel. . ."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, then I replied, "Universe only bestowed me the love that I really deserved, and I'm happy that it gave me the chance to love you. It was a blissful and delightful adventure with you even in just a short span of time, Cyrus. It was like a glimpse in paradise, indeed."