Alex's POV
After our day of traveling to the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, we end up beating the Islanders.
I didn't score though, I didn't even have an assist.
"You ok Ovi?" Coached asked. Of course I said yes, but in reality, I wasn't, and I'm still not.
Right after the game we head to the airport and hop on a Plane back to Washington.
I wanted to find Derick before we left, but there was no way I could've; we didn't have time, so I'll just have to wait until The Rangers come to the Verizon Center.
I wonder what Chandler is doing right now.
Maybe she's moved on and went to find someone new. Maybe she's decided to look for an answer to her problems in the bottom of a bottle alcohol. Or maybe she's crying on her bed, wondering if she'll ever feel okay again.
I'm going to be honest here,
I regret what I did, I shouldn't have done it, and I wouldn't have if I knew Chan was coming to see me. But the thing is, I did it because I needed something. I felt like if I didn't have it those two nights away from Chan, then I would've went crazy.
And I don't know why, maybe I have a bad addiction, but I just had to, I craved it.
I'm not trying to say that what I did was justified, but I'm saying that I couldn't help myself, and that makes me feel even worse.
Who am I?
Do I have to fuck everything that walks?
Maybe if I just find a way to get Chandler back and take her with me to every game, then I'll feel better.
But then again, that makes it seem like I only want her for sex.
And I don't, at least I don't think I don't.
My thoughts are interrupted by a pillow that hits me dead in the face.
I lean into the isle of the plane to find the culprit, and immediately I see Latta and Willy two rows up and to the right, trying to act natural (and completely sucking at it).
I take the pillow and chuck it back at them, nailing Latts in the nose.
He laughs and holds his face in his hands.
Willy ducks behind the seat, facing me so only his eyes are visible. Once Latts sees him doing this, he copies and they look like they are prepared to fire.
I nudge Backy (who's sitting next to me) and point to the boys.
Backy and I mimic their, peeking-over-the-plane-seat tactic, and wait for them to throw the pillow.
It hits Nicky in the head and he gets ready to throw it back, but I stop him and lean in to whisper in his ear,
"If we hold onto it they might get tired of waiting and throw us more ammo."
Backy nods and we wait.
Sure enough they throw another pillow at us and we nail both of them.
Eventually everyone on the plane ends up in a full out pillow fight, and I have to say this is the happiest I've been these past few days.
Once the flight lands we all head to baggage claim and grab our stuff.
Everyone exchanges pats on the back before leaving, and then it's goodbye until practice tomorrow.
I'm left with a 45 minute car ride to sit and think of how awful a person I am.
It's awful that I cheated. It's awful that I liked it. It's awful that I probably wouldn't think twice about doing it again. It's awful that I don't know how to break this habit.
At least I want to break it, right? The first step is admitting you have a problem I guess.
But maybe I don't even like Chandler. Maybe the only reason I want her back, is because she doesn't want me.
Or maybe I can't stand the fact that she doesn't want me, so I want to change her mind, and I don't have feelings for her at all.
What if I get her to like me again, and then I turn around and break her heart....again.
I just don't know what to do, because I know she doesn't deserve this.
Chandler poured her heart out so quickly, and I took advantage of that.
Well of course, that's what I wanted. I have to admit when I first saw her, it wasn't thoughts of holding hands in a spring meadow that we're going through my mind if you catch my drift.
Once I enter D.C., I decide what I'm going to do:
I'll see Chan one more time, and if she wants me gone, then I'll go, and if she wants me to stay, I'll stay.
