Forever Young

Chapter 38

After lunch and naptime, we got into the car to take Koda to Sam and Emily's house for the weekend. Though I had assumed he would be excited to see his Aunt, Uncle and little sister, he was pouty about leaving me.

"It's only for the weekend," I reminded him. "We see each other way more now than we used to."

Koda sighed, staring out the window. Maybe he was afraid that I would try to run away again while he was gone- the possibility of me disappearing for a second time seemed to be a horrible fear of his. But I had no plans to ever leave the Cullens again. Maybe, with time, Takoda would come to realize this, and weekends with his Aunt and Uncle would be easier.

We pulled on to the short dirt road that led into the forest leading up to Takoda's house and I grinned. This would be the first time I had seen Emily and Sam since returning to the Cullens- not including the time I had secretly snuck around outside their house in search of Koda. I hadn't actually seen them then, I had just heard voices. At the time, I hadn't realized that all those younger voices belonged to Mato's brothers.

A girl that looked just barely younger than me was standing on the porch, leaning against the rail. She grinned as our car came to a stop and she started running towards us. Was this Leah's little cousin that I had heard about? The one close to my age? I hadn't been prepared to endure meeting another kid, and I sighed as I was lifted from my booster seat.

"Koko!" The girl cried, launching herself at Takoda. He grabbed at her to stop them from tumbling over, but didn't return the embrace. He still looked annoyed at having to be here for the weekend.

"Don't call me Koko, Ani," He grumbled.

Ani? This was Takoda's little sister? The little girl who had hardly spoken, and who scurried to hide under the table whenever anybody glanced in her direction? The last time I had seen her, she had spent her time mumbling to herself and playing with Winnie the Pooh toys, trying to keep out of sight and hunching over in an attempt to hide whenever she was forced into the open.

But she was tall now. Very nearly my size- just an inch or so shorter. And she spoke so clearly now, her words no longer jittery and rushed. The fear that had once been in her gaze was absent as her eyes met mine, her grin never faltering.

But she had just been a little girl when I had last seen her- hardly more than a toddler! A familiar pang of pain came to my chest, and I recognized it as a duller version of the ache I had felt after first realizing how much older Renesmee was than me when I returned.

I had never asked how long exactly I had been gone. I had accepted Renesmee's adulthood as a product of her supernatural growth- she could grow so quickly in such a short period of time. But now, staring at Ani's maturing face, entirely different than the face of the little girl I had once known, it really hit me that I had been absent for years. I had missed out on so much. Never would I get the chance to watch Ani grow out of her shyness, her fear, her worry. It had already passed, too quickly for me to even notice.

The world was changing around me. People I loved were changing around me. But I remained the same. One day, probably one day very soon, little Ani would grow taller than me. She would hit puberty. She would go on dates and fall in love and get married. One day, I may even be playing with her children. And then her grandchildren. And they would all continue to outgrow me, the cycle ever continuing.

"Hi, Ammie!" Ani said cheerfully, pulling me into a hug. Her voice was so happy, so carefree. So unaware of the pain blasting through me as I realized she was slowly changing and growing while I remained the same.

Still, I forced my arms to hug her back. "Hi, Ani," I greeted, trying to sound happy. After all, I should have been happy. This was the first time I had seen my cousin in so long. But all I could think about was how my arms were above hers as we hugged- and how this may be the last time that happened. How much would she grow before the next time I saw her? How much taller than me would she get? How much longer did I have before her arms were above mine when she pulled me in for a hug? How long until she had to kneel down to hug me?