Basma likes Fendi

21 | Behind his heart

Part 3: Finders Keepers

•Ruqayyah

Lets start with 13 reasons why I can't and will never be a faithful wife to Bilal.

1. I'll always love Tadalesh.

2. He has promised to find my children by sunrise tomorrow and will move me and them to a safer city.

3. We made love thirty minutes after he consoled me for the kidnap of my kids.

4. I didn't stop him from the moment he started to touch me because I enjoyed it.

5.  Bilal couldn't do better things to my body.

6. My children deserve a better mother.

7. I once loved Bilal but not anymore.

8. My heart beats for Tadalesh.

9. My soul was only tied to Bilal's.

10. If Bilal divorced me today I'd gladly marry Tadalesh; it was way better than cheating.

11. Another reason I will never be a good mother is because I was ready to abandon my children for the love of my life.

12. If Tadalesh found my children tomorrow I'd send them back to their father.

13. I'd force Tadalesh to divorce all his wives and we'll move to a different country too.

After my conversation with Bilal yesterday, I almost told Tadalesh that I would leave him but once I saw him my heart had already sealed my lips and had made its mind up to jump right into his hands.

I may look like the villain but this only justifies my choices even more. If I stay with a man I lacked love for things would never work out and I would continue to secretly have an affair.

Let's look at it from his perspective. If he didn't let me return years ago I would still be lying in his bed, cooking for him and taking care of his children—not my children—anymore, at least for the next few hours.

Most villains in most stories don't always come out at the top or end up proud but are always full of regrets and that won't be me.  Though they always prevail with one little mistake made by the protagonists in their stories. And that's what usually birthed the sequel where the hero beats the bad guys.

In my case, there won't be a sequel because Bilal has already lost the battle before it begun.

At least for Layla's sake I would've stayed but she had always loved him more anyways so it would be easier to let her grow up with him.

They would grow up to hate me but I couldn't care less. Tadalesh would make me happier than ever and I wouldn't sin anymore. That was all that mattered. For now at least.

*Ring Ring*

My phone buzzed underneath my pillow just as the Tadalesh kissed my cheek to wake me up to pray.

"Wake up princess."

He held my hand, smiling excitedly as he pulled me up from my sleeping stance. He lifted me and dropped me on his shoulder till we reached the bathroom door where he dropped me on the floor to go in and perform my wudu (ablution).

"I'll be in the next room if you feel like talking."

"Sure baby."

I pushed the bathroom door shut and turned on the tap while humming to myself.

Once I was done, I did my salat in a bit of haste before rushing to the next room to meet Tadalesh.

He was still on his prayer mat reciting the Quran when I came in. My noiseless footsteps made it harder for him to notice my presence behind him.