Warmth | ✔️ #wattys2021

27. wave

Adam must have sat through the rest of the movie in a state of pure shock. The sadness that lingered in the pit of his stomach and was ready to unfold and take over his body was something he tried to refrain from for now. As if he was in a vacuum and could postpone the sadness that he knew was about to come. Any outsider would think he wasn't even breathing with the way he uncomfortably laid on his L-shaped couch.

But once he had to face his emotions, they washed all over him. And now he was drenched in some sense of hopelessness along with his sorrow. He was sure that if she didn't want him now, she wouldn't ever want him in the future again. This was it. The first woman he loved and cared for didn't feel the same or at least wouldn't want to admit it. Would that mean that he fooled himself and all along when he felt as if there was something in the air, there simply wasn't? Her looks were all platonic and there wasn't any affection for him left? And even worse —what was that last night?

He sat on the edge of his couch his head in his hands which traveled up and down his face and might have washed a tear away from his eye. He didn't know where to turn or what to do. He couldn't stay where he is any longer, the light of the tv in front of the olive-green wall already becoming an old sight that now reminded him of the pain he felt in this exact moment. Like everyone has that particular smell that immediately takes you back. Like how he couldn't go into his once so warm bed either, because the bed sheets would smell of her.

It was barely 4 now in London, but he wanted to find another place to sleep. So, he called Jim, knowing he probably spend his time with Nora at his house at the moment, but didn't care much whether he would intrude or not.

He told him he was welcome and Adam knew his friend suspected that something was wrong but he didn't want to explain everything to him over the phone. He packed a light bag and did not come around the bed room with the unmade sheets.

Adam didn't need much, he perfected the art of travelling with the least package possible over the years.

Once arrived at the doorstep on the blue door of Jim's small house in Chelsea, Jim opened the door in leisure clothes looking at him with a slightly concerned expression.

"Come in mate!" He said and patted his back as he did

It was only the second time he was at this particular house after he moved. His promotion seems to have treated him well enough, so that he could effort a real estate on the northern and posher side of the Thames which would normally make the travelling time for Adam minimal. The drive there was painfully long though, as he had to deal with rush hour and awfully angry red lights.

"Nora is here too, hope you don't mind." He said.

"No, no it's alright of course." Adam replied, head hanging low.

"I've set the guest room up for you, it's small but I hope it will do."

"Thanks."

Once he unpacked his bag and made himself at home a bit, he went down again. Adam knew the couple was chilling on his terrace as the sun went down but he needed to get this of his chest.

"Hey!" The couple greeted him. They shared a seat, Nora sitting on his lap, in her boyfriend's arms, tilting her head a bit to look at him. Her hair was in a messy bun, an oversized white cardigan warming her.

Adam took a seat next to him them if no one offered it to him. Partly he just knew he was always welcome.

His head hung low once again, not knowing where or how to start. It was not like he just showed this kind of body language purposely for them to ask him, even if he had the ability to act this out at the fullest. There was no other way, he couldn't pretend he was fine if he wasn't, that was just the way he felt. Nora and Jim shared a look obviously not knowing how to react either.

"So, mate...what's going on?" Jim finally said and cut the tension.

Adam rubbed his hands over his temples, trying to calm himself once again. "Uhmm, so...I...I told her." He said barely holding it together.

"Adeline?" Nora asked, her voice now very high and sounding pretty much interested. "You...you told her..." Nora started the end of the sentence in her mind but it just wouldn't leave her mouth.

"...that you love her? Oh, fucking finally!" Jim answered for her but different to his partner, he sounded excited.

He nodded and sniffed.

"Oh wow...well what did she say?" Nora asked once again with a hope in her voice that she knew she couldn't trust judging by his presence and by how well she knew her friend.

"Nothing...she just tried to leave as soon as possible, she was all panicky and-", he sighed. There was silence for a while.

"Adam...I wouldn't interpret too much into this. Adeline is scared shitless of the l-bomb."

"She is?" He asked carefully, still sounding sad but somewhat attentive now.

"Yes, she has always been, it's just hard for her..."
"But I- I wouldn't dare to hurt her again! I sure as hell still regret the time I did." He thought it was him, his fault she reacted the way she did. Because of how he treated her, because of she knew from him or simply because she didn't trust him.

"Adam...she is not afraid of you hurting her, the sad thing is if she loves and commits to someone, they could hurt her every fucking day and she would just take it." She takes a deep breath while he stares at her intently, almost as if he was worried of said potential scenario.

"She is afraid that she will be hurting you. She loves you, so she doesn't want to take the risk of fucking this up. She wouldn't forgive herself, you know."

He sniffles, the blood rushing through his body. "Do you really think she loves me?"

"Goddamn it, yes it's fucking obvious!" Nora almost yelled and all at once a slight grin slipped.

"So how do I change her mind? Or convince her to finally take the risk? I don't fucking care if she hurts me, I'd still be in love with her."

"I don't know Adam, she's complicated, she had to face so much shit already in her life...And its not just that, you two together are complicated too, to be honest." Adam was thankful for what she told her for sure, but now that she only seemed to give problems he hated how the two of them sat there. As if they were the perfect couple, as if they had everything figured out, his face becoming tense again.

"I mean...have you ever talked anything out really? Like the time you two fought and you suddenly left?" Nora let her anger towards him out a bit, she built up while she watched her best friend in sorrow caused by him. A bit of cynicism and criticism in her voice.

"I think what Nora is trying to say, is that you lack communication."

"Yeah." He said sadly.

"Nora can you...like do you know if she's safe?"

"I figure she's just as home she sent me a text earlier." Adams eyes widened.

"Don't get too excited she just said that the washing machine is broke again." Silence overcame the trio again and even though it was a summer night in May he was freezing, his short sleeved black shirt not giving off enough warmth.

"Hey, are you flying to Cannes next week?" Jim asked. Sarah always forced him to go to Cannes. He never really liked such social gatherings, always finding them too pretentious and self-glorifying around actors, while his friends loved the anecdotes he would tell once he was back. "Well I'm on my break so I don't really plan on it, but Sarah is still trying to talk me into it."