Warmth | ✔️ #wattys2021

37. courage

Rebekka was gone now, back in France. She missed her family too much, she said, and her friends. It made sense she left, really. They weren't meant to be, Adam thought, trying to convince himself so. He liked her terribly much. If she could have stayed he would have ended up loving her for sure.

He wasn't so sure if her home sickness was the only reason she left though, perhaps she just didn't see what he did, perhaps she looked right through him, through his healing process that was painful at times. She probably did and was fed up with him not being fully dedicated to her. It cursed little fights like in the restaurant, they went to.

Whatever it was, he was alone again, in his London mansion, in August, by his poolside, not knowing where to turn to or if he even had the energy in himself to get out and meet people.

*

The time spent in Bristol as always put the energy back in Adeline's body, she wondered if it'd be the same if she would actually move there. Probably that feeling would fade over time, but she felt quite great on this first day of August. Her birthday would be next week and although she never really enjoyed celebrating it, she also though that if she'd get the job at Thompson Enterprises, her birthday party could also be a farewell party. And even if she was aware she would most likely get disappointed, she slept well again and could leave the house without second anxious thoughts.

So, she spent her morning with her great return to her once favorite coffee shop, getting a latte and a cinnamon-roll, just like she used to. Adeline was nervous of course, afraid of meeting Logan. If she would though, she decided it's time to take responsibility and talk to him. She didn't even know if he was mad or not. Although Adeline experienced that spontaneous wave of courage, she was somehow glad he wasn't there and had a big bite of her greatly missed pastry.

Having run her errands, Adeline turned back home, packed with bags of groceries. George had the night shift, he must still be asleep. It was almost 11 and he usually did not sleep that long but judging by his stories Sunday nights at the restaurant are hell and he always came back pretty late.

Almost done with putting everything away, the door bell rang. She thought it would be a delivery guy, with her not expecting anyone and George still fast asleep. Opening up proved her wrong. It was Adam.

It was like his unexpected presence was a slap in her face. He seemed just as surprised to see her, judging by the shock in his eyes she could witness when hers met his. Adeline couldn't even look at him properly, it was like he stole every ounce of oxygen left in her body, also depriving her of the ability to speak. She knew she properly deserved all of it after all.

Adeline knew she missed everything about him at all times —and that wouldn't change ever again. But she just had to see his face, she couldn't observe it intently the last time they met. Adeline raised her head up shortly but flinched the moment he spoke. "Hey!" He said.

It was curt, but it was his dark voice she loved. "Hey!" She said back flatly, almost whispering.

"So...is George here? We planned something." He talked down to her, she knew that.
And while it was a ridiculous hope, initially she thought he was here for her.

"Yeah, yeah, he's...just asleep still. I'll go and wake him, come in." She didn't like the way they spoke —as if they were nothing but strangers...as if there weren't a million things she wanted to say instead.

Adeline woke George, he said he forgot about him. He took his time getting ready and Adeline went back into the kitchen to unpack her stuff. Adam was sat on their breakfast table and there was noting that could've made her more nervous, having to work around him. She felt so ashamed and hopeless. "He's up and getting ready."

"Okay."  Trepidation filled every corner of the room and flooded it soon after.

As she was done unpacking, she was clueless as what to do know. Could she just go back to her room without another word? Would that be weird? Normally she would get her laptop from her room and write some more C.V's at the spot by the window, but that spot was even closer to him, so she knew that'd be weird for sure. Or she could take the chance.

Ever since she went to Bristol again she had that feeling of courage inside her. Would she move away no one would care if she fucked everything up worse, so she could at least try to make it right.

Adam was still acting cold, didn't look at her face ever, wouldn't move in his seat or at all. His arms were crossed as if he was a stubborn kid, waiting for his cone of ice cream. George took his sweet time, unintentional or not.

So, against all her instincts she sat down on the round white table, opposite from the man she loved, who now looked more annoyed than she has ever seen before and it broke her heart again. But she saw him now, closely. The clothes he wore looked expensive. He wore a tight white polo button up and black jeans, he still had a bit of a tan, overall, he looked like a living dream.

While Adeline had her long hair up in a ponytail, she wore the same clothes she wore three days before as nothing could motivate her to do the laundry and she regretted that now.

"Adam I..." She took a short break with her breathing becoming less balanced but tried to hide it with laying her arms under her breasts, as if it could protect her heart or safe her lungs.

"...I know you probably despise me now but I just want to get this off my chest and say I'm really sorry for-"

He fell into her word:

"For what? For not loving me, or for whoring around hours after I told you what I felt for you?"

And there was the thing that she wanted to protect her heart from, but could never have, judging by the power he has over her.

Whoring around. Felt.

"Whoring around?" She scoffed. "Adam, I know what I did was terrible but...please don't..." Her sniffling interrupted her speech. "...don't talk to me like that, I can't take it."

Adam smiled. It wasn't of kind but of almost sadistic nature. "You can't take it? Well them perhaps you shouldn't have done it!"

"I'm here to apologize for that, okay? I know it was fucked up and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But you have to understand, I have a terribly hard time dealing with those emotions."

He knew she was on the verge of crying, her body language speaking the same language as her body. But right now, he didn't have the patience to care enough.

"It's the issue you had since the first time we met isn't it? I've done so much to win you over and treat you right, even when we weren't together anymore. I told you more than once that you are enough, don't use that as an excuse."

She was fully crying now, only ever looking on the ground, whispering: "And then you come up with a random model."

"What? Are you jealous? You should be. Because she treats me much better than you ever did, she makes me feel better than you ever did, she does not come up to me crying about every little insecurity in her life, Adeline. She is perfect and you're nothing next to her!" He yelled.

Adeline looked at him for one last second and then stormed off to her room. She only tried to apologize.