Warmth | ✔️ #wattys2021

26. fight or flight

Adam drove the two of them back home again after the course. He didn't even ask her if she wanted to go to Brixton or back to his. It's the one thing Adeline liked least about him when forgetting about his perks, the way he seems to be making final decisions without considering her opinion. She didn't know why he automatically assumed she would come back with him. Perhaps it was just because that was always how they would keep it. Or he finally wanted to talk to her, when she actually just wanted to go home and calm the underlaying anxiety down she has felt since last night and should take care of. His presence for the first time didn't calm her but made her more uncomfortable. She needed to breathe.

While his hands were firmly holding the steering wheel guiding them home, hers were fumbling in her lap. Both their hands were a bit rough from the mix of clay and water that still stuck on them here and there.

They must have been driving for around ten minutes now, judging by the amount of dried clay that she scratched off of her palm and the way the streets started to look a bit more taken care of the closer they came to his neighborhood. Adeline didn't stop feeling uneasy until they arrived. When they did, they didn't speak, just like the whole past drive. After they took off their light jackets and shoes he asked if she wanted to watch a movie though. It was normal for her to say yes, so she did to not sound suspicious. She tried to breathe in and out deeply for a few more seconds in the guest bathroom, while Adam placed his success of a hand-crafted vase on the dining room table.

As they were lying on the couch next to each other, soundlessly watching Mean Girls she couldn't help but get reminded of the similar situation they found themselves in a few weeks back. When he has still only been back for half an hour and they had to pretend their new found friendship was fine with them. Everything seems to move so fast with them. Back then she would have jumped at the thought of getting him back as soon as possible, the responsibility could have grown within them, if she could've overlooked the pride and forgive him sooner. Now there was a responsibility in their friendship that should belong to the thing they actually want from one another. One thing that was different now though, in comparison to April, they sat much closer. Their arms actually brushing one another, creating shills underneath their clothes.

And it was just when it was explained to Cady that on Wednesday the group wears pink, he seemed to get even closer and caressed her hand which made her panic internally but sigh in sensuality on the outside. That seemed to give him a signal and soon enough she was maneuvered on his lap, and they were making out like they did last night. It felt so good her head was spinning. That overall move was a bad sign in her head but still better than any confessions she thought, just as he pulled his lips away from hers for a second too long, making her open her eyes again... "Adeline-" he said while also audibly swallowing. "I love you."

Her head rushed in a mix of panic and disbelief. There it was. The three words she was afraid of the most while they were also everything she wanted to hear. But this is not, how it should end. No, this can't be, Adeline thought once again, they weren't going to end like this. She froze in shock on top of him, her breathing becoming audibly faster and more hectic. She suddenly got the urgent need to leave as soon as possible, her flight instinct overtaking her senses and actual needs. She stood up, hurriedly running through the door.

"Don't leave, please stay I can't-„ he pleaded. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to cry the moment she heard the pain in his voice.

"I can't keep on pretending and I'm sure you can't either! I can see the way you look at me, love! I hate not being able to kiss you and hold you like I want to! I always just think about you..."

Adeline shook her head furiously now while trying to put on her shoes. "Why are you denying it? God damn it, last night you were all over me all of a sudden and now you just can't look at me? Come on!" He yelled and he actually started crying now, her sniffles taken over the sound the zipper on her left shoe made. "I might have shuddered your trust too easily but I thought you could have forgiven me by now...Please Adeline, just say som-". Adam pleaded again and stopped when he was met with the closing sound of his front door.