Scarlett

40 - Scarlett

In all the years I have known him I have never heard him sound so broken - so desperate. His voice on the phone was fractured, he was slurring his words - If it were anyone else I would have said they were drunk - but I knew better - I knew him better and the Carson Cage I had finally gave in and called back was a broken shell. Our conversation on the phone was emotional and filled with tears. I thought he would yell at me, he didn't. I thought he would call me names, or swear but he hadn't. I thought he would bad mouth Jackson, but he didn't say one word about him.
His mind was on a one way street - was I giving us up? We're we over? Was I leaving him? Did I still love him?

I knew we needed to have this talk face to face - I owed him so much more than the way I had treated him over the past 24 hours and honestly I hated what I was doing to him. And to say my mind and heart was 100% certain on what I wanted would be a downright lie.
I love Carson - I really did - but I loved Jackson too and I think with everything that had happened - with losing my Dad and with Mya finally knowing the truth about Jackson, well I guess a part of me finally realised that I had been hiding it for so long.
So right now my heart was breaking - driving to the house I shared with my husband - to the home we had built together for our family.

The rain was heavy and pounded down on the road and against the metal of the car, it almost matched the heavy pounding of my heart beating inside my chest. I tried hard to control my breathing - focus on taking deep steady breaths in and out to try and stop my hands from shaking - but it didn't work. Nothing worked.
I didn't want to get caught up in asking myself over and over again why I let this happen or how this happened. I tried to stop asking myself how I fell in love with two completely different men. But what I didn't do was try to stop the fact that I hated myself what my life had become - I hated who I'd become and I hated what I had done and what I was doing - not that I had any idea at that moment what that would be.
My phone rang - thankfully pulling me temporarily out of the dreaded pit that I was in - Jax's voice filling the car through the Bluetooth speaker,

"Hey gorgeous, you travelling ok?"

"Yeah, I'm not to far out - traffic is a bit hectic though"

"How you feeling Scar? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok"

He snickered through the phone, he sighed and I knew he had a grin on his face when he spoke again,

"You forget how well I know you Scarlett, and I know you are not really ok, you can tell me the truth you know, I'll listen to anything you want to say"

"Im scared Jackson" I started, tears flowing down my cheeks "I don't want to hurt anyone, I love you both so much and I don't want either of you to be hurt because of me"

"Oh baby, I wish I could tell you that it wasn't going to happen, I wish I could tell you that no one was going to be hurt, that this would all just work out and we will go on with our lives being happy but you know it's not possible. I'm sorry I put you in this place Scarlett but I'm not walking away from you, I love you Scarlett - you and me what we have it's forever, we will always be intertwined Scar - you are my heart"

"Jackson" I whispered,

"Just tell me you love me Scarlett, tell me that we still have a shot at this, tell me that the past 24 hours meant as much to you as it did to me"

"I love you Jax I do, A part of me always has and a part of me always will. God I love you so much and I - oh shit"

I could hear a Jackson's voice in the background as my phone hit the floor, saying my name over and over, I heard the sound of crashing, of glass smashing and of metal against metal.
I felt weightlessness as my body flew through the air and pain, pain of the sharp sting of the glass stabbing at my skin like thousands of sharp knives and I felt the final pain as I landed once more on the hard ground, I was awake - the rain was cold on my skin but I could feel warm liquid seeping through parts of my body, I was dizzy - everything above me was blurry and my head ached - my entire body ached - I called for him, my voice sounding nothing like my own through the ringing sensation in my ears, I tried calling for him again. Someone was there - I think they were talking, telling me it would be alright, I think they were telling me that help was coming and to just hang on.
But I couldn't hold on, my eyes got to heavy to keep open - I couldn't feel my arms to move them, and I cried out once more for the person I wanted by my side at that moment, hoping he would come and as I closed my eyes for what would be final time a thousand images flashed before me - of my Mother and Father, my brother his wife and their beautiful children - and of my family - my gorgeous kids and their amazing father. He was the last thing I saw before everything faded to black.