Scarlett

10 - Jackson

Jackson's POV:

I was such a screw up, my whole life I seemed to be capable of nothing but fucking everyone over when it came to dealing with anyone I actually cared about and what better way to royally fuck myself over then by having one more confrontation with the other woman in my life.
Scarlett was always it for me - probably the reason I could never really make it work with Jayne, I had compared everything about her to Scarlett, every single thing. Not that any of this was Scarletts fault though this was all on me.

"What are you doing here Jackson?"

"I don't know Jay, can we talk? please"

She sighed, opening the door to her new apartment wide enough to finally allow me through.
The place was nice a bit on the small side but she was by herself now - I guess it was all the room she needed.
She looked good too, really good - her long blonde hair had been cut shorter sitting just below her shoulders and the big bags that she once had under her large green eyes were no longer there.

"You look good Jayne, you look happy"

"I am Jax, I mean" she sighed again, leaning against the back of the door as she raised her head to look at me,

"Why are you here Jackson?"

"I just wanted to talk to you, I know things between us have been pretty shit, and before you say anything I'm not blaming you - but I felt like we should maybe talk about it"

"You felt like we should talk huh" I watched her as she walked towards the lounge, taking a seat in the single recliner "and why now huh, why now is it you think we need to talk Jackson?"

I moved closer to her, trying to remember a time things between us were good and honestly I failed to recall even one, I took a seat opposite her on the double lounge, reaching out for her hand and holding it tightly - forcing her gaze back to meet mine,

"Jayne, I really fucked this up, I never should have married you - it wasn't fair to you - I was a selfish asshole and you were so devastated when we lost Zach - I just thought it would make you happy I guess"

"Jax, we were never a good match, I knew that, I knew I could never stand up against her - and I never wanted to, I was happy being your fuck buddy - it was enough for me, but then I got pregnant and it changed. God Jax - we were cut from the same cloth - we both had shit upbringings - horrible parents who never had time for us or gave a shit what we were doing - and I knew neither of us would want that for our own child, but I gave you an out Jax, I told you to leave and you didn't - you chose to stay"

"I know ok, trust me I remember. I know you really tried Jayne, I know you gave us everything you had and I didn't, I was the one that was never really there - even when I was, I wasn't"

"I know Jax - I was the one that lived it remember, and the day Zach was born, the small amount of time we got to have him, the small amount of time he was with us for - I will always cherish it and I will always love you for giving him to me even if it was only for a short time, but I never should've accepted your proposal after he died, but I had some how convinced myself that once we were married things would be ok - god I think I even tried telling myself that we could try for another baby one day - but you, you"

She stopped, her eyes filling with tears - her face was filled with the pain of losing Zach. Pain I never shared with her - pain I left her to deal with all on her own.

"I pulled away from you Jayne I was never any good at feelings - I tried to turn them off, fuck I have ran away from them my whole life and when the Doctor told us Zach was gone I just didn't know how to deal with it"