The Trust Of My Life - A Spencer Reid Fanfic

Chapter 45: Cold feet

Lina's POV

The next day.

Today is the big day—Spencer and I are getting married. As of now, I am in the bridal suite, getting ready. "God, I'm sweating so much," I say as JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia do my makeup and hair.

"It's just wedding jitters," JJ assures me.

"Ugh, why did we have to come all the way to Las Vegas to get married?" I pace around. "Why not just do it in Rossi's backyard? It's big, familiar, and has nice scenery."

"Remember he said that he's having his fence re-painted?" Prentiss brushes my hair.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." I sigh. "Sorry, it's just that I'm starting to wonder if getting married is a good idea...."

Garcia's eyes widen. "Of course it is! You and Spencer are made to be together!"

Giving her a weak smile, I reply, "I hope so." Am I getting cold feet?

As the girls fuss over me, I think about reasons why I shouldn't marry Spencer. But I can't think of a single flaw in him. Wait, but what if he wants kids? God, I am not ready for that. Or what if I find out that he has some weird quirks or fetishes.

I crack my neck and roll my shoulders back, trying to relax. I've never even slept with Spencer before. What if he's... kinky? I catch myself imagining him being kinky in bed and quickly snap out of it. No way Spencer is like that. I chuckle and shake my head at the thought.

"What's so funny?" questions Prentiss but I just chuckle softly and shrug.

Three hours later, I'm in my dress with hair and makeup all done. Checking my phone, I realize that there's still 2 hours left until the wedding. With each passing second, the knot in my stomach gets tighter. I keep asking myself if I should marry Spencer until finally, I can't take it anymore.

"Hey, guys?" I look towards my three friends who are getting ready themselves. "I'm just gonna step out for some fresh air."

"Yeah, okay," Garcia responds absentmindedly, while JJ and Prentiss just nod.

With that, I run out of the venue, checking each corner to make sure I don't bump into anyone, especially Spencer. When I'm outside, I get into my car and drive away. I have no idea where I'm going, but I just need to get away from everything—my friends, the wedding, from Spencer. I feel bad for doing this since Spencer has been nothing but kind to me, but I can't suppress the uneasy feeling of marrying him.

I can't believe I'm getting cold feet! I think to myself as I speed down the road. Eventually, I find myself pulling into a gas station where I get out and buy a pack of beer, which is unusual for me since I don't drink often... especially during the day.

Walking up to the counter to pay, the cashier gives me a weird look. Though I don't blame him considering I'm standing in a gas station, buying beer in my wedding dress.

"That'll be $5.79," states the cashier, the tag on his shirt says his name is Sam. He looks like he's in his sixties, with a thick, grey beard.

I reach for my purse but realize I'm not carrying it. "Oh, shoot. I think I left my—"

"It's on me," states Sam. "It's your wedding day right?"

"Yeah...." I look down at my dress.

He cocks his head. "Then why are you out here buying beer by yourself?"

"I-I don't know." I rub the back of my neck. "I guess I'm wondering if getting married is a good idea after all."

Sam gasps with surprise. "Are you a runaway bride?"

"What? No!" Wait, am I?

"I'm just kidding." He chuckles and puts my beers in a bag. "But can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah...?" I reply hesitantly.

"Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love the guy?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Of course I do."

He puts a hand on the counter. "Then why run away?"

"I don't know."

Sam scratches his beard thoughtfully. "Is it his looks?"

"No, he's very attractive." I smile just thinking about his soft hair, pointed nose, perfect jawline, and his beautiful hazel eyes that makes me feel so loved when he looks at me.

He grins. "Is it the way he smells?"

"Nope, not that." I love the way Spencer smells—the perfect blend of detergent and coffee.

"What about his personality?" Sam presses on.

"He's kind, caring, respectful, funny, romantic..." I smile. "Everything I ever wanted."

"Hmmm... is it his money? Not rich enough?"

""No, not that. We make the same amount. Besides, I wouldn't care if he's rich or poor."

"Then what is it?"

I sigh. "I'm not sure."

Sam looks thoughtfully at me. "Do you know what I think?"

I narrow my eyes. "What do you think?"

"I think it's your problem."

I frown and raise an eyebrow. "Me?"

"Mhm. From what I hear, the guy's got the looks, personality, everything. So it's you who has commitment issues."

"Commitment issues??" I put a hand on my hip. "You barely know me and you're saying that I have commitment issues."

He crosses his arms across his chest and nods. "Mhm."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. Thanks for the beers." With that, I pick up my bag and head out to my car where I sit on the hood to drink.

Taking my first sip, I nearly gag at the taste. Give me coffee over this anytime. I think to myself. By the second bottle, I'm already feeling drunk so I go inside my car to take a nap. Part of me screams to drive back to the venue and get married before it's over, while the other part just wants to stay here and nap.

Just then, my phone rings and I see that it's Morgan. "Hellooo?" I answer drunkenly.

"Yang, where are you?" Morgan demands.

"Uhhhh..." I look around at my surroundings. "I think I'm at a... a gas station??"

"Yang, are you drunk?"

"Am I?" I giggle.

Morgan sighs over the phone. "Stay where you are, I'll have Garcia track your cell phone and I'll come pick you up.

I grin and close my eyes. "Okayyy," I reply, "see ya later." After that, I hang up and pass out in my seat, dreaming about Spencer.

"Lina, why don't you want to marry me?" questions Spencer, his eyes round with worry.

I take his hand in mine. "I—"

"Am I not good enough for you?" He pulls away from me.

"No, it's not that!" I leap forward to hug him, but he disappears. "Spence?"

I look around me and find that I'm alone in my old apartment. Loneliness hits me like a truck and all I want is Spencer to be here with me. I sink down to the ground, my wedding dress pools around me. Is this what will happen if I don't marry him? I'll be back in my old life, living by myself. Trusting no one, loving no one... no one loving me? I wonder to myself and start to cry.

I don't want this to happen, I want to be with Spencer forever. To be in his arms every single day as we grow old. There are so many things I haven't done, yet to experience, and make memories of. And the only person that I would want to share those parts of my life with is Spencer. But in order for this to happen, I need to commit—commit to him, and to myself.