Napabalikwas ako sa tunog ng malakas na pag-iyak ng isang sanggol. I roamed my eyes around the room. Pumikit ako nang mariin nang pumintig sa sakit ang sentido ko. I've been exhausted for the past 2 months. Kulang sa tulog, sa pahinga, sa kain- sa peace of mind.
It wasn't easy to become a Mom at 19. Humikab ako bago pinilit ang sariling tumayo at puntahan si JJ. I took him from his crib.
"Shhh. Tahan na. Gutom na ba ang baby?" Marahan ko siyang inihele habang yakap-yakap.
I took him with me in the kitchen. May mga nakahanda na doon na gatas na bubuhusan na lang ng maligamgam na tubig. I made his milk with one hand. Nasanay na ako. Dati hirap na hirap ako at halos hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin. I remembered iniiyakan ko pa noon kung paano ko siya patatahanin hanggang sa isang araw narealize kong walang magagawa ang pag-iyak.
I shake the bottle as I sit on the sofa. Inayos ko si JJ sa aking kandungan pahiga bago ipinasak sa bibig niya ang botelya.
He sipped it like he's too hungry. Napangiti ako despite of my weariness. He's such a cutie patotie. Paano ako magagalit o maiinis? Ang pogi-pogi, oh! I always got tempted pressing and playing with his cute chubby cheeks. Ang kyut-kyut, grabe!
"Ang takaw mo talaga..." Anas ko nang maubos niya ang gatas sa loob ng tatlong minuto. No wonder ang bilis niyang lumaki. Bumibigat na din siya. I can't carry him that long just like how I carried him during his first three months. Limang buwan na siya. Ang bilis ng panahon.
He dozed off back to sleep. Napangiti akong muli. Amidst my tiredness, he's my kind of rest. Just looking at him gives me the strength to fight- to keep going on.
May rason ako para magpatuloy. May rason ako para lumaban. It's JJ. My angel. My baby.
Again, I looked at him sleeping peacefully for a couple of minutes. Napalabi ako nang mapagmasdan siyang maigi. His little cute nose, his small face, the shape of his eyes, long thick lashes, the shape of his nearly-visible eyebrows- all of it took after his Dad. Pati kulay ng mata at skin-tone. Ang unfair lang. Hindi lang naman siya yong gumawa nong baby pero wala man lang nakuha mula sa Mommy. Lahat sa Daddy.
I softly caressed his face. "This is not the life you deserve, JJ. Mommy promised to do whatever it takes - for you."
The first time I saw him, that moment I took him in my arms - when he was born - I fell for him. He might be unexpected and unplanned, but he's a blessing. An answered prayer. And I loved him.
I stood and put him back on his crib. Bumalik ako sa kama. Nakatulog pala ako kanina habang ginagawa yong research ko. Research for JJ's sake. Hindi ko natapos ang school year na ito because of the accident. I have to stop studying since I've got so much responsibilities on my plate.
Binalikan ko ang nakabukas na laptop and look at the screen. It was an email from the bank for the foreclosure of the house kung saan kami nakatira ni JJ.
Sa mga nakalipas na taon, naubos ang laman ng bank account ko. Nakalaan dapat iyon para sa pag-aaral ko ng kolehiyo. Bago pa dumating si JJ, napilitan na akong isangla ang bahay at lupa para sa mga gastusin. I don't have work yet. Sino namang tatanggap sa isang undergrad? Lalo na ngayon na single parent pa?
BINABASA MO ANG
Reigning Battle Beyond Greed
RomanceON GOING I am Jem Mendez. A mother at eighteen. Married to Altair Jairus Narvaez, a billionaire and a business tycoon. Will my greed satisfy my desire to be more powerful or will it destroy my heart and the simple life I used to have? DATE STARTED:...
