Library Love [BXB]

Chapter 4.2

Blues pov

I stare at the moon, it's soft lazy glow allows me to see ahead. The water that sits under my feet.

You see the park I live in has two bridges. A footpath one that I live under since nobody else can really fit under it.

And this one, the road one, the tall one, the one parker first found me on.

Sure, I appear to have found myself on the edge of that bridge, same old position.

Yet this time no Knight will come to save me. Nothing can.

You see, even though when I saw parker at the bar i felt so much better, I still can't face him, especially since the one time I tried to his boyfriend was at the library again.

Since then I've avoided him again.

Ive avoided everyone.

See, it's not just parkers relationship thats got me like this. Thats more like the cherry on top. This month correlates to multiple anniversaries for me.

All of which have escorted me to the edge of this bridge. All of which are prodding my back and all of which stain my mind.

Childhood trauma is funny in a way isn't it? We don't get to choose what to see or do and even if it scares or hurts us, we don't truly understand the damage it's done until further down the line.

Until you're homeless and alone on the edge of a bridge.

But it can't be helped, what happened happened. I often sit and think maybe my trauma wasn't that bad and I just think it was for attention, attention of who is a mystery to me.

Sometimes while I cry myself to sleep I often remember those nights and feel almost comforted by the cold dark memory.

What? Nobody told you about how simple it is to miss your trauma once you're away from it?

Happens to the best of us.

So yeah, thats how I found myself here again. I've been danced through the night to this very location by memories that cling to me at every moment. Memories that make me want to blow my brains out.

I feel a droplet fall down to my hands. Oh it's raining. I look up but smile softly as I realise where the water is coming from.

I'm crying.

I stare again at the water below, the steady rhythm the water moves in is comforting. I know the rocks below and the shallowness wont be so kind, but at least I can have a peaceful send off.

Again, you may find my current situation dramatic but I guess we all find our moments of being overwhelmed by simple things, by memories.

But you have to understand, as a person that has nothing to live for, no house, no real family or friends, no real future, it doesn't take much for that final push.

For me to finally end what never began.

For me to-

"Blue." I freeze.

I wince as I feel two arms snake around my waste and gently pull me away, my cold aching body complying. I frown as he intertwines our fingers and gently pulls me behind him.

"Come on, we're gonna talk." I hear the words but ignore them.

Why is he here? Why does he always show up? He's ruining my life! He's done this twice here and at work too.

"Blue." I zone in and stare at parker whose now tapping a seat beside him on a bench. I nod slowly at sit down.

"I wasn't gonna do it ok?" He hums softly.