Twilight Reimagined Fanfiction

Loss

Chapter 2 Loss

Loss

The question is as hard as swallowing rocks and as brutal as stormy waters crashing to shore.

The question is not always why, but how do we let go without falling apart - without crumbling from loosening our grip on what was and what could have been. 

- Alex Elle

( Edward pov )

The moment that scent reached me I went completely mindless the only thing going through my head was MINE. It rivaled Bella's blood so fiercely, the difference being I was able to hold back with her by the skin of my teeth. Nearly killing a class full of humans, though I had controlled it. Here I was in full hunting mode just like that day. Not even the remembrance of loss could halt the frenzie. Not even the smell of Jacob could douse my thirst. All my practice, all my preparations were tossed out the window. The dark carnal hunger of Jasper's mind seemed to blend with my own. Just before I was less than a second away from sweet relief a gentle mind caught my attention giving me just a brief moment. I let Carlisle haul me to Rosalie and Emmett. In truth it was my own fault. I should have fed more on our hunting trip we just came back from. Out in the fresh air I was able to think again. 'Edward I didn't see,' Alice apologized mentally. I snap my head up in her direction. Could Jacob and Renesmee be too close to the situation? 'Edward my sweet boy I think you need to go back and hunt some more,' Esme's worried mind seemed to reach out to me. Before Rose or Emmett could comment or think of anything I went to Jasper. Mentally cranking down the volume on the pair at the same time. "I'm so sorry," Alice looked at me with pain clear in her eyes. "Lets just go hunting and get the hunger under control," I nod in the direction. A new unfamiliar but soothing voice caught my attention from inside," it wasn't anyone's fault, Renesmee was just curious." Even though she wasn't talking to me it seemed to wash away most of my guilt. There it went off in my own head, mine, you are mine. How could I be so selfish with yet another human life in less than a decade , for god sakes less than a year. We were supposed to live in forks for a decade and move on without drawing attention. Her thoughts were just as reassuring. I couldn't help but delve into her mind. She had been afraid yes, but mostly for Renesmee. To my surprise I found she had some unbelievable mental shields lowered for a moment but oddly familiar. Though (Y/n) didn't have them up all the way, it felt like a wall. Not natural but almost like something mentally built up over time and practice. It surprised me enough I wasn't really paying attention as Alice dragged Jasper and I to go hunt. "What is it," Alice asked, though the moment she asked, her eyes glazed over combining through all my responses in her visions," really? I've never heard of a mental barrier besides you know who." I flinched at the mention of her. "How come you didn't see (Y/n) coming then," Jasper rubbed Alice's back. "Renesmee bit her entangling herself in the knot," Alice pointed out. "Even before then tho," I closed my eyes reaching out my senses for something. Anything that appealed to me enough to quench my thirst. Alice and Jasper were silent for so long I peered into their minds. Alice had a small frown as she tried to search the future. Jasper was debating on that situation and part of him wondered how her blood would taste. I shutter in desire, the burning in my throat getting harder to ignore just at the memory of her smell. Jasper seemed to snap out of it and help me focus on my hunt. Reminding myself we only had a couple of months left here in forks. A couple of months and we'd never cross paths again. Jasper helped using his gift, focusing on the hunt. I knew he wasn't helping just me but also his mate. Alice was kicking herself again for not being able to see what had happened. Unable to help myself I listened into her mind again only to come up against the wall with her. "She's too entangled in Renesmee's future at the moment," Jasper tried to reassure her. 

( You pov )

"I'm sorry this all happened," Carlisle apologized when I flinched slightly while he cleaned it ," I don't know what got into them." "It wasn't anyone's fault," I tried to sooth him, feeling like I knew what he was thinking ," Renesmee was just curious." " Has she ever bitten you before," he seemed to be probing me. "You don't have to beat around the bush," I smile shyly, " Renesmee kind of told me everything. With her gift everyday piece by piece." Carlisle's head snapped up from his work. "I'd never put her or any of you in danger by telling anyone," I assured him, able to see and feel his sudden anxiety, " even if I have to go near her father again and risk being attacked he can tell you that much. " "She has a way of taking people in," he seemed to relax a bit. "I don't mean to rip off the bandage so to speak," I shift in my chair just a bit. "Don't be afraid to ask," Carlisle finished with a bandage. "Nessie is Bella's daughter isn't she," I spoke softly. His eyes were a bit sad ,"Yes." "Does Charlie know," I asked. "No," the blonde said in the doorway ," its to dangerous for him to know let alone you." Her hostile eyes seemed to accuse me , her anger feeling like needles jabbing me everywhere. "Rosalie, " Carlisle warned, his voice slightly harsh like today was already stress filled enough. Everyone seemed on edge just ready for some peace. "I didn't exactly ask to know about blood drinkers, " I pointed out ," even then I won't be staying here long." This seemed to relax Rosalie but confuse Carlisle. "I normally don't stick in one place for too long," I explained as Renesmee walked in going to me ," I have a passion for books but I don't know if Forks is well suited for me. That and Renesmee let me know you'd be moving in a couple months." I gently pull her on my lap. She seemed to nuzzle herself into me while giving Rosalie big eyes. Rose seemed to melt like she couldn't help herself. Stroking her hair I relax enough to ask ," if it's okay? I rather tutor her when her father isn't around." Carlisle nods ," pull temptation out of the way." "It would be best to keep her in one area of the house ," Esme suggested while Carlisle set fire to the bloody tissues. "We can set up an area in the garage away from the main house," Rosalie suggests. "What if it gets too cold in there for her ," Carlisle asked ," she is human." Rose went to open her mouth but Esme beat her giving her an apologetic glance," We can install a heater, it won't take too long." Instead of looking mad she gave Esme a thankful look. In my guess, Rose wanted to keep an eye on me. What would she be doing in the garage? "Rose likes to tinker with cars," Esme explained seeing the look on my face. No way barbie liked to get down and dirty? The huge looking guy walked up behind Rosalie holding her close. Oh yeah down and dirty with that alright. "I'm so sorry it slipped my mind ," Esme looked embarrassed. "Renesmee already has you beat ," I smile looking down at her letting her touch my face. Just as I thought she had been curious about how I tasted compared to Jake ,her hunts or the blood they gave her. "I forgive you ," I kiss her hand. A heart stopping smile lit up her face, something I never really seen before. Once more my heart aches, if I ever had the ability to have a child I'd want my daughter or son to be as pure hearted as Renesmee was. "Can you start tomorrow, " Esme asked her voice just a bit off. I look up to see her looking at Renesmee like she'd never seen her smile before. In that moment even after all that happened it felt like home. Like nothing had ever felt like home.