Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: The Finale

Chapter 5 No Fighting in the War Room

The mercenaries and the Counselor were within the tractor beam structure at Crash Site Alpha.

Price: He's been calling himself, Sharkface.

Felix: What is he, a Batman villain?

Price: His physical appearance, combined with the deep-seeded sense of contrarianism seems to-

Felix: Oh my god, shut up, I don't care.

Locus: Can we use him?

Price: If we continue our sessions, absolutely.

Locus: Good.

Felix: Pffft. Sharkface, Locus. Whatever happened to normal fucking names? I mean, am I crazy?

Price: Well. . .

Felix: Don't psychoanalyze me.

The lights then flickered. . .

Price: What was that?

They were contacted over the radio.

Pirate 1: Locus, Felix. We've got a problem.

Locus: Report.

Pirate 1: Our teleporters malfunctioned. They just, detonated.

Felix: How many?

Pirate 1: Well. . . Um. . . All of them.

Their shared a glance before red glow began to emit from behind them. . . .

*Armonia - War Room*

The Reds and Blues at Armonia, along with the generals, were on a video communication with the Reds and Blues at the Research Complex.

Doyle: EMILY! Please, slow down.

Emily: SLOW DOWN?!?! General, the alien weapons, the vehicles, all the artifacts we've found over the years. . . they weren't broken they were just deactivated! And Tucker's sword made them work!

Sarge: For all of two seconds.

Kimball: How is that possible?

Ruby: Well, our swords aren't really swords. They're just glorified keys.

Kimball: How does that even work?

Tucker: Yeah, we were a part of this Great Prophecy thing because we took the sword-keys from a tower, and an alien took us on a quest to get a ship, but in the end, it all kinda turned out to be an excuse to get me knocked up and have an alien baby.

Doyle/Kimball: . . . .

Doyle: You've. . . reproduced?

Tucker: Fuck yeah! Junior is awesome! *presents picture* Check him out in his fifth grade basketball team!  Aw, they grow up so fast.

Doyle: Well. That's the last thing I thought I'd see today. Or ever.

Tucker: Yeah, I know. Who carries around actual photographs anymore?

Ruby: Just to clarify, I have nothing to do with Junior.

Allison: Smooth.

Wash: Alright, focus. Let's go over what we know.

Simmons: Well, whatever Tucker did caused all of our teleportation grenades to explode, fried Charon's weapons. . . and almost got me killed. Good going asshole.

Rachel: Actually, this could be perfect.

Sarge: Well, maybe if Simmons had been replaced with Grif, and instead of 'almost' killed, he was-