Fℓσωε૨ร σƒ ɱყ ᠻεεℓเɳɠร

147

My own mother calls me ugly and doesn't gives me any attention

Understanding is a thing i never felt
I couldn't get any bit of affection

Now what can i even expect from any lover?

......

I doubt if anyone will ever understand and treat me right. I'm just made to be hurt.

And plz no fucking criticism here. I know mothers scold and all for our betterment, but here it's not scolding, I'm talking about mental abusing which is really happening with me. Whew i wish at least my mom could be likebother moms... And in absence of any elder or anyone to defend me, I'm all but helpless unable to defend myself against all that. I'm completely mentally abused at my home daily for no reason believe or not... But my own parents have cursed their only child, mentally harrassed by throwing off all their stress and anger over me and abused me at a time when I'm completely hard-hit with some heartbreak and more issues which make me suicidal... In their mentality "Being Sad Is a Crime"

One day i was badly scolded and insulted for small things at a time my head was beating and chest was paining a lot. I just went to a different room as i can't go outside nor anyone whom i can reach out for help or peace. Just for going to a different room after 1 hour of that mental abusing while i was in a lot of pain, my mom claimed me to be no more her son. She said I'm a shame for going away to different room without the completion of her lectures. I needed a bit of peace, but she came to my room too and said many hurtful things... I was in a lot of killing pain in my head and nerves felt like bursting out, but they just insulted and went away even after knowing my condition no one was there to think of my well being, all they know is to make me a "perfect robot" who listens to each and every order of them and can't complain about any suffering... I cried for idk how many hours and my mom said she's hurt because i made her shout on me by doing all that and crying. She was hurt because I'm not a good son as i went to a different room to save myself from my killer headache and chest pain. She says crying is a sign I'm very weak and i shouldn't have cried.

And then people will say "Everything will be fine"
To the people who say so to me, or will say after reading this: Come to my home right now and save me the next time I'm mentally abused at home. You can't right? Then stop telling that phrase it won't save me. Self love ? Can self love save me from that mental trauma I'm dealing with? Can it stop my parents from insulting and mentally abusing me everyday? No !

Man it's a regular case here. It really gets very very difficult for me to hope anything these days because at the end the hopes just shatter... Sorry for ranting off and no lectures plz ...