Chapter 32
I went straight to my small dining area to pour a cold glass of water. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ni Ean. Hinayaan ko na lamang siyang sumunod sa akin hanggang sa apartment. I don't have enough energy to send him away because I know he'll push what he wants.
"I don't want to see you again with those guys."
Padabog kong nilapag ang baso sa lamesa. Bumuga ako ng hangin at tahimik siyang nilingon. He was standing on the other side of the table, looking at me with dark angry eyes. The comparison on between our first month and now is so different.
"Ean... what happened to us?" The exhaustion in my voice was palpable.
He stared at me intensely and furrowed his brows.
"Parang mas okay pa no'ng magkalayo tayo kaysa ngayong malapit tayo sa isa't isa. I've been here for just a month at wala tayong ginawa kundi mag-away sa tuwing nagkikita tayo-"
"Because you're being stubborn! You're deciding things on your own. Don't put the blame on me now, Ailani."
Tumingala ako at humugot ng malalim na hininga. Naninikip ang aking dibdib at unti-unting nakukumbinsi ang puso't isipan sa desisyong kanina pa naglalaro sa aking utak.
"Ean," suminghap ako, "I don't want to deal with your issues anymore. I'm... I'm seriously tired of it."
Natigilan siya at unti-unti'y mas lalong kumunot ang kaniyang noo. I stared at him, showing no remorse of what I just said. Pinasadahan niya ng kamay ang kaniyang buhok at pumikit ng mariin.
"That's it?" He sounded so disappointed and pissed.
"We've been in this for months, Ean. Sabi mo, magbabago ka. I told you what I don't like and you said you'll change. Your possessiveness, your unreasonable jealousy, your temper and your doubts about me. Lahat na lang ng lalaking nakaka-usap ko, pinagdududahan mo. I assured you so many times but still... hindi ka ba napapagod pagdudahan ako? Dahil ako, napapagod na e. Blaise is my friend, and so were the two guys back there. They were nice to me and then you have to do that?"
Pumikit siya ng mariin at ilang segundong natahimik. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. I remember when he told me to keep my distance from my male co-worker back in Laguna just because he was being a gentleman, and he took it the wrong way.
"I'm waiting for the change you promised many times but I don't see any change from you-"
"Why are you rushing me?" The bitterness in his voice was dripping.
"I am not rushing you. I'm just saying I'm tired of being the only one compromising here"
"I'm trying my best, Ailani!"
"No, you're not." Suminghap ako at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi. "You're not trying your best, Ean."
"So you're giving up on us? Gano'n kadali para sayo?"
Tinitigan ko siya. There were warm tears on the edge of my eyes as I drink in his sight. I palmed my face and shook my head lightly.
"I tried my best. Do you think it's easy to hope? Na sana sa susunod, magbabago ka na. I'm not asking for a big change, I'm wishing for just a little compromise from you."
"You promised you'll try to understand me. You promised you'll wait for me to change. You promised, Ailani!"
"Because you promised in return that you will try your best to change the things I don't like! Pero ginawa mo ba?"
"Don't try to be a saint, Ailani. Ikaw rin naman, ah? Are there no issues with you-"
"Stop manipulating things, Ean! I made mistakes but you know I did my best to make up for it!" I gasped.
