Gwynriel

Hands

I am the rock against which the surf crashes. I am Valkyrie. I am Gwyenth Berdara and I can eat this food.

Azriel is directly across from me and I can feel his gaze. I can still feel his arms around my middle and more importantly I can still feel the stillness that overcame him when I touched his hand. Do his scars really bother him that much? 

I've been trying to eat but all I seem to be doing is actively trying not to look at his hands. I'm not sure why but I don't see scars and I don't see hands. When I look to those hands I feel myself heating up. I want something from those hands but I can't say what. If he's so uncomfortable with me touching them, he definitely doesn't want me staring at them. 

The only good thing this small distraction is doing for me is distracting me from the other people in the room. When Az and I touched down the High Lady was the first to come say hi with her mate and the adorable baby Nyx. I don't know what it is about baby wings but I couldn't put him down. My mind had gone back to the temple, to the children I helped every day and it broke my heart just a fraction. I have no idea where they went. I just know they made it out.

Feyre, as she told me to call her, is quite nice. Meeting the trio wasn't a bad experience even with the temple reminder, it made me feel empowered. I can do this. 

Next was Mor and I can tell why Emerie is in love already. She's been sticking to Feyre's side with Rhys but she was the most intense welcome. I could see it was hard for her to walk to me slowly like she might spook me. I laughed and told her I wouldn't break and she ran right up and said hello. She even gave me a high five, I was grateful she didn't try a hug although something tells me she new to give me that space. 

Amren just said "hello girl" and walked to the table. It wasn't cold it was just a hello. Like she was used to seeing me already. I didn't mind that either. 

Elain was interesting. She walked into the room and even my breath was stolen. She is the most beautiful female I think I've ever seen. All three sisters have been blessed with their looks. She came to say hello and her gentle tone put me at an ease I was surprised to find here. Azriel was standing close to me and she had a weird look on her face. My first thought was that she might not be used to him but as the night continued ... 

The only other reason I was trying not to look at his hands was because of the heated looks Elain was giving him. I haven't been looking up to see if he's been giving them back but clearly there was something there. I'm not about to interrupt especially when her beauty can rival those of the most precious flowers in their garden. She is also one of the kindest people here, if she wants to give looks to Shadowboy then that's fine. I just can't, for some reason, try to acknowledge if he's giving them back. It shouldn't matter if he does anyway, it's not like I can do anything with those hands. 

"What is your favorite part of training?" came Elain's sweet voice. 

"I'm not weak" was the first thing out of my mouth. Was that too harsh? "It's nice knowing I can defend myself" I correct but hope it's not too late. 

"I bet she can beat everyone in the room now, she's the most advanced" Nesta said with pride. I can feel the heat rush to my face, and now everyone is looking. "Well its not my fault you've been too busy for training" I grin back. Nesta makes this easy, so much easier. My sister is with me, I'm not alone. Our joking goes back and forth and I'm finally able to get something down. 

I've finished my food and it appears everyone else has as well. We move to the sitting room where there are some couches and cushions and I take the first one I can find. Hopefully they don't have assigned seats. 

Elain sits next to me and Nesta takes the arm rest. I'm still shocked that I feel so at ease with Elain. She is sweet but something is going on with her and Nesta. Elain and I fall into conversation about her garden and soon enough everyone is talking about their favorite flowers and what they'd like Elain to plant. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed being the center of where everyone was looking, only to notice Azriel is no where to be found. 

My heartbeat starts to kick up. He didn't leave did he? Why does it matter if he left? Was it Azriel's company that made this bearable? No, Nesta has helped, and everyone's warm welcome, Elain's kind comfort. Where is he?

"If you'll excuse me" I gently get up and make my way to the balcony. I think it defiantly is time for some air. 

I'm proud of myself though. I made it this far. I sat through dinner. I talked with new people. I might feel like the walls are suffocating me at the moment but I made it this long before I got this feeling. 

Breath Gwyn Breath

Your going to the balcony, your getting air, you are safe. 

It's not until I make it to the balconies edge that I notice a pair of hands on the railing.