Gwynriel

Training

I can't sleep. It won't happen. It's not happening. 

I can still smell him. I can still feel his hands in mine and the way I fit into him. My heartbeat is kicking up and I can feel my face heat. What is happening? 

Am I really ready to feel this way? Does he even want to do this with me? Elain was practically drooling over him tonight, if there's something there then he would never feel anything for me. Not compared to her. Not compared to the innocent beauty of the night court. 

I sigh and turn back over. 

Sleep isn't happening, I go to take paper out of my draw to get something out but all that wants to come out is Azriel. How he felt, how he smelt, how I didn't want him to let go of me. 

I crumble the page and throw it in the bin. writing out my thoughts about Az is not going to help me get to sleep, I may as well get to work. I dress quickly and make my way down to the library replaying the night in my head. 

I really am proud of myself for going to dinner. That was a step. A big step for me. Hopefully the rest will start to feel better. 

I run my fingers over the columns of books I pass heading for the cart Merril specifically likes and my finger bumps into one sticking out too much. Before I push it back in I read the title of the volume and pull it out, Strategies of War. 

I open the first page and start reading. I never know what books will get my attention until I stumble onto them and this one feels like a must. Maybe I'll be able to beat Nesta with strategy training. I continue my walk to the cart while reading and finish up some last minute work. I'm trying to lessen the load so I can focus on training, maybe to also one day not rely on the library for my one place to be. 

Maybe if I spend less time here, the more time I'll spend doing something to push myself, to get myself back out there. 

Before I know it I'm sitting at a desk, three quarters of the way through the volume while the sun rises. Merril's work is still not done and I have training. 

Training

I groan thinking about how awkward this is going to be with Azriel. I'm totally reading into things, I need to shut down whatever weird thing is sparking. I shove my nose back into my book to try and take my mind off it and make my way to the ring. I might be early but at least I'll get more stretching in. I'll totally kick Emerie's ass if I start before her.

I'm halfway up the stairs when I see black smoke zip up the stairs from the top of my book. My foot stops on the next step. If he's already here ... 

I push my foot to move and I'm on the platform in the next minute. There he is. Naked. Well, half naked and doing push ups. My body locks up and I can feel the heat come again. Why do his muscles need to move like that? Like they're pulling and stretching and screaming at me to touch them. My eyes follow his chiseled tattooed back to his wings. I don't know why I've never really looked at them until now. I think my mouth is watering. They are giant with their own set of scars and I think I might start to drool. Do I have a thing for scars? 

I want to see his hands again and as my eyes start to move I see his arms flex and bulge. By the cauldron this shouldn't be legal. Does he know what he's doing to me? 

I still can't move but apparently my fingers can as I cringe away from the book they let drop. His head snaps up to me and our eyes lock. Those hazel eyes, I don't want to stop looking at them. It's like I'm in a trance. Before I know what I'm doing I'm walking towards him. 

He's frozen, waiting. Him waiting like that is not helping this situation, it's making me feel bold, like he'll take my lead. I always liked the sense of power he's always made me feel but this is different. This is very much different. The only problem is that I have no clue what to do with this power. What do I want from him? 

The hugging was nice, so nice. I liked that. I like the comfort he gives and the solid backing he lends. He was just there, like he'd be willing to ride out a storm with me, for me. He's a good male, an honorable male. He won't want my broken parts, not in the way I want his scars. 

"Your strong" is the first thing I say to him since last night. He lets out a controlled breath and pushes himself back up and stands up. 

"Centuries of practice" He turns away and makes his way to the weapons rack and I get a view of that back again. He stops at the rack and puts his hand on his neck like he's thinking. The way his muscles move when he does that takes so much of my attention I don't hear his words. 

"Gwyn?" He turns his head to look back at me and I implode. 

"Strategies of War?" Thank the cauldron Nesta came early. 

"Why am I not surprised Berdara?" Cassian's quick remark comes and I sigh in relief. 

We train the rest of the morning with the other ladies and I try my hardest not to look at Azriel. Its like my eyes can't help themselves and find theirselves just happening to stare at him. He put a shirt back on but now that I've seen what's underneath ... 

He took off once training ended and I made my way to the mates and Emerie. "Rhys needs him for something, he'll probably be back tomorrow at some point." Nesta just nods but Emerie and I share a glance. 

"Is everything okay?" we say at the same time. We look at each other in shock and my heart skips a beat. Emerie is just as much my sister as Catrin but this ...

"Oh I'm sure its fine, he's usually out and about so I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake" Cass goes on before Nesta cuts him off, 

"It's his job, he's the spymaster, he spy's. He'll be okay" Those were the words to put me at ease and I feel my shoulder's relax and I see Emerie start to laugh. "I guess we overthought that a little" 

With that worry out of the way I can feel my shoulders droop. The no sleep, drooling over Az, full training and now worrying about him for no reason and having a painful reminder that Catrin isn't here anymore has taken its tole. I think it might be time to go back down to the library but it feels wrong. 

It feels like I'm about to step into a raincloud. 

I think the girls can see the pull on my face when Emerie asks, "Is it okay if I stay the night at the House? It's been a while since our last sleep over and some girl time would be nice." 

Nesta beams and takes our elbows to lead us to the House of Wind.