WRECKAGE

134 11 15
                                        

Client: TSAsimplicity1

How it felt like when I was reading your book:

How it felt like when I was reading your book:

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

TITLE
It's awesome for real. Wreckage is a strong word. It holds all the action and adventure within itself so I guess you did a pretty good job on picking the right word!


BLURB

See, the blurb is usually what is written on the back of a hardcopy. I loved the idea of your blurb but I sort of felt it like it had been repeating a lot of words and the same actions multiple times.

Here's what I think would look better.

Shalmali, an amnesiac and mental patient cross paths with an unpopular goon Dev, who murders someone in her asylum. This results in unwanted kidnapping. 

What happens when they deeply fall in love despite their horrendous and wrecked past linked to each other's life?

Will their deeds carry them to the grave too soon?

A blurb must be short and something that a reader would love to rush into. I think a short blurb such as the one mentioned above might do the trick!♥


COVER

It's fabulous! The cover grabbed my attention pretty quickly. I loved the gun and the red background behind it. The font is beautiful and the title and the author's name are visible too. So that earns full points!


PLOT AND GRAMMAR
You have a really interesting plot in your mind. A girl who can't remember her past? Anonymous letters? A murderer? Bring it on girl!

 A girl who can't remember her past? Anonymous letters? A murderer? Bring it on girl!

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.


However, I did find a few things that can be improved.

1. You had an awesome opener. It's not the cliche type at all. All I suggest is to put the address in italics. In that way, the reader would realize that it was an address.

The dialogue: "For whom this letter is?"
What it could have been: Whom has this letter been addressed to?

I think that the passive form of the sentence might be useful here since it's a pretty serious and formal dialogue.


2. Dialogues:

There were times where I felt that the punctuation seems to be missing or that the sentence could be reformed better.

The receptionist dialed the main doctor of the asylum. "Hello Doctor, our asylum has received an unknown letter with no name of the sender nor the receiver."Who are you?" She backs away to the wall, frightened and helpless.

The comma after the dialogue is not needed♥

Also do remember, a question mark and a full stop never come together. (Social distancing at its extreme)

This dialogue: "I told you she will be fine.", the doctor sighed on seeing Shalmali sleep.

What it could have been: "I told you she will be fine," the doctor said. He sighed on seeing her sleeping peacefully. 

Commas are used to end the dialogues when an action is going on. If there is no action in the dialogue, a full stop is used. ♥


3. Thoughts:

 A lot of characters are written in the first POV. Naturally, when you start writing things in the first POV, the characters are bound to have a lot of internal thoughts. 

These thoughts can be simply written without punctuation marks such as double inverted commas. 

They can just be written in italics. At times, it gets a little confusing if the doctor is just talking to himself or if he's talking to the nurse.

Example: "Huh! how is this possible?. Is it because I got distracted?.", She questioned herself.

What it could have been: What? How is this possible? Did I get distracted?

'She questioned herself' can be omitted since the words are in italics and it implies it is a thought.

The punctuations I bolded are not supposed to be written together. Use only one or two punctuations at a time.♥


OVERALL:
I say this is a pretty interesting book with a good plot. I think you only need to work a lot on your grammar. 

Do research dialogue tags, periods, and commas, they literally do haunt every writer. I suggest you use either Microsoft Word or Grammarly to avoid all such errors. It's been hard for me to avoid them in my stories too, so don't worry ♥

I apologize if this review comes off rude, I just want you to improve in your writing.♥

Also, for anyone wandering here and wanting a book that's filled with action, adventure, and mystery, I suggest this one. 

I wish you good luck with your book TSAsimplicity1 ♥


Reviews Baby (CLOSED)Where stories live. Discover now