Client: SnowWhite1309
How it felt like when I was reading your book:
TITLE
I think it's perfect for the story! It's eye-catching at first glance and after going through the story, it just fits perfectly!
BLURB
Your blurb was just perfect! The beginning of the blurb was attractive enough to let any reader dive straight into the book.
However, some points need to be looked after.
The blurb starts with the word ongoing and the updates are mentioned.
Try putting that at the end of the blurb.
Because usually when a reader is scrolling for a good book to read, they can only read part of the blurb written in a tiny box. Make sure to use the maximum space of the tiny box with an attractive blurb like that. Do not diminish the light by mentioning the ongoing and updates which can always be written in the end.
COVER
It's charming in its own way. The symbol of lips was clearly the right one. The author's name and the title used for the fonts were brilliant!
The line on the top though, says 'Everyone has a secret.' In my opinion, it's quite a normal thing for everyone.
Try something else instead of that.♥
Example:
1. Your life is a lie.
2. The Truth hidden in your graveyard.
3. Why do you lie to yourself?
4. Keep lying to yourself.
These are just suggestions, of course, you have every right to keep yours or change it since it's your book after all ♥
PLOT AND GRAMMAR
This was just spot on one of the best cliches I ever read. It's amazing! An innocent girl? Clueless friends? Stalking meanies? This is a total game on!
To be honest, I didn't find anything that needs to pointed out at all. This seems like a well-polished novel.
Though it's a cliche type with the innocent girl having a normal day at school and the scene starting by what happens as soon as she wakes up, I think this was brilliant. The descriptions had the right amount of words, it didn't even feel like there was too much information dumped.
My only problem with the story is my urge to move on to the next chapter.
Since I was using the web, I noticed that the chapters I read were always more than fourteen minutes long.
The atmosphere at home, her meeting with her best friend, the introduction to the cliches, lunchtime, and most importantly the scene at the library were all written in one chapter.
It was amazing, it was great to see how the pace of the story was at the right speed but readers would go on to the next chapter if there was something there to fuel their interest.
My only suggestion is to try splitting the chapters.
Remember, the more the chapters, more the votes you gain, the easier it is to keep up with the Wattpad algorithm and get excellent ranks.
This is a story with a lot of potentials so keep things short and end them in a cliffhanger.
Keep the reader dying for the next chapter instead of spreading all the suspense in one chapter since it can ruin all the surprises in store. ♥
OVERALL
It was lovely to read this book. I love the fact that you gave all your characters a background of their own and let them shine in their spotlight. The arguments they have, the jealousy, the rage, they were so beautifully described and strung with very beautiful words. I see some friendship blooming in the hearts of Ben, Toby, and Lillian.
Again, this review is just my opinion.
I apologize if it comes out rude, I just wanted you to improve your writing.
Also, for anyone wondering with a book filled with cliche teen fiction mashed with hilarious drama, this one is for you!
I wish you good luck with your book SnowWhite1309 ♥