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Chapter Seventeen

"Kingston" I said after a few kisses to his lips.

"We can't do this." Pierce closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"What?" I said sitting up, my heart jumped to my head. The pounding intensified the longer I sat waiting for his response.

The panic set behind my eyes must have been pretty evident because Pierce lifted himself off the bed slightly, closing the distance between the two of us. "No Charlee," a laughed escaped from his mouth, "I want this, we just can't. Not with everyone here and around. Especially with Luca and Lucy entering your room all the time."

"You promise?" I studied his face, searching for any sort of hesitation.

"Always. You know I don't lie to you. Plus, I want you every second of every day. I thought I made that pretty clear." A light chuckle left Pierce's lips before he pressed his lips to mine.

"You do." I accompanied his chuckle with one of my own.

I ran my fingers down Pierce's chest as I took in the boy who completely changed my life. This boy gave me a feeling I never thought I could ever have. He loved me unconditionally at a time where I wasn't worth loving. Pierce loved me when I looked like I had gone through literal hell and back. He has witnessed me at my worse, and definitely at my best, yet still accepts me fully and completely. I couldn't have asked for anyone else, anyone better, to come into my life.

"You know how much I love you right Pierce?" I climbed off his lap, laying down next to him on the bed, resting my head against his bare chest.

"I know it's as much as I love you, and I know that I love you a whole hell of a lot." Pierce played with my hair, twisting it around his fingers as I spun circles against his side with my index finger.

"Then can you answer something for me Pierce?" I said serious, more serious that I had ever been with him before.

"Your tone scares me." Pierce adjusted himself underneath my head. Sliding my head off his chest to his arm as he turned to face me.

"This should be healing." I said running my fingers lightly over his ribs. "It honestly just looks like it's getting worst. What the hell are you doing to yourself?"

"I'm not doing anything Charlee. Can we please just not talk about it anymore?" Pierce threw his head back in annoyance.

"Pierce I am a self-abuser; I know what self-abuse looks like. I'm your girlfriend for god's sake just tell me."

"I am not harming myself Charlee. Just drop it. It's fine. I just hurt myself at the game, that's all that happened. I don't know why it's not healing. You heard the doctor in the locker room. If I played at all I'd fuck shit up more. I played and probably made things worse. That's it. That's all there is to it. I don't want to argue with you. We don't argue and I'd really like to never start with you. The one person who always makes me feel alive."

"If it's not any better by the time we go back to school. Can you please go see a doctor?" I looked from his ribs to his face.

"Will that make you feel better?" I nodded my head at Pierce's question. "Yes, I will go if it doesn't change. But you'll owe me something if I go." A smirk played on his lips.

"Of course, I will," I laughed, "what will I owe you?"

"I'll get back to you on that one. I haven't thought about it yet. Deal?"

I nodded my head against his arm. "Deal."

We spent the next hours in silence. Just listening to each other breathe. Both of our minds wandering with the thousands of thoughts of the day. With our pasts, we always had millions of things on our minds. We never had true alone time. Something was always clouding our thoughts.

Pierce broke our silence by turning the television on. He asked if I wanted to watch anything in particular. I didn't have a preference, so I let him take charge as I sat up on my bed, leaning against the pillows pushed against my headboard.

Pierce followed my actions, sitting up on the bed. I grabbed my journal from my bedside table before letting him rest his head on my shoulder. I had failed my duties lately of filling out the journal as I should. I just had a lot going on. My mind was all over the place.

"What do you put in there? You've never let me read it. Ever." Pierce reached for my journal but I moved it from his reach.

"I put a lot of stuff I don't think you should really ever read. Last time someone read what I put in here, I found out how Emery passed away and broke a lot of people." I thought back to that day, quickly shaking it from my memories before letting it affect me too much. "It's best if people don't know what goes on in my head."

"I like knowing what makes your gears turn." I felt his head move on my shoulder to look at me. I knew there was a smile was on his face without even having to look at him.

"Not everything that makes them turn is good. Most of it is bad. I really don't want you seeing my thoughts. You already know a lot of my deepest darkest secrets. Honestly, not even just a lot, but almost all of them. Things that you know, no one else knows but me and this book."

"And I like that you can open up to me about things Charlee. I know that it helps you, even if it is hard to share."

"Have you seen Ally since the talent show?" I had to change the topic; I couldn't let the clouded sadness take over me. I didn't feel like drowning.

"Charlee," I finally met Pierce's gaze. "What is with all these questions? You know I don't want to talk about this stuff."

"So, you have." My tongue left my mouth, wetting my lips before I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth for a few seconds. Creature of habit, holding back my feelings by a lip bite. I couldn't stop myself from digging holes.

"This is why I don't want to talk about this shit." Pierce huffed and forcefully pushed his back against the fluffy pillows pressed against my headboard.

"Was it while I was shopping? When you didn't talk to me for two days?"

"If this is why you wanted me to stay, I'm leaving Charlee." Pierce stood up, clearly annoyed by my questions.

I grabbed Pierce's arm, not allowing him to walk away. He tried to pull his arm away, but I'd always be stronger than he expected.

"Charlee, let go of me. I want to go home."

"No." I moved to the edge of the bed closest to him, not loosening my grip on his arm.

"No?" Pierce challenged me.

"You heard me. I said no." I loosened my grip on Pierce's arm, but he didn't pull away from me.

"You start shit to get me fired up on purpose because you think it's hot, don't you?"

"Why do you think I played with Grayson like I did?" I bought my lips to his ear. "You are beyond sexy when you're upset with me." I whispered in his ear, something I knew always made him want me.

I moved my hand from his arm, sliding it slowly down his body, stopping at the waist of his pants. "What's even more sexy, is when you feel like you have to prove yourself to me. You get all aggressive." As the word aggressive left my mouth a flashback to my father's aggression ran through me, sending shivers to my skin.

I had to push the thoughts of my father away. The only reason they were close to the surface was because of my journal. No other time would I ever compare Pierce's aggression to my father's. Pierce's aggression was passion driven; my father's was never that. My father's was the complete opposite. My father was aggressive to hurt, to cause pain. Gosh did I really fucking hate my father.