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Chapter Sixty-Nine

Pierce and I reentered the house when it was time for Grayson and Ally to do their cake. Everyone gathered around in the dining room to sing happy birthday. A birthday wasn't a birthday without the corny happy birthday to you song. Rich or poor, it would always be a tradition.

It was the only time our group joined together for the night. Reece, Harlow, Pierce, and I stood behind Grayson and Ally as we sung. It only felt right to be supporting our friends in this way on their day.

Once the singing was done and people got cake the party dispersed back out. Everyone returning to their original places in and outside of the house. Pierce and I sat in the living room on one of the couches. We made fun of the never ending amount of stumbling drunk people. I was glad that him and I had chosen to be sober. It was only the best option for our mental health.

"Hey Kingston," I placed my lips to Pierce's ear as I spoke, "I've got to use the restroom. I'll be right back." Pierce nodded as he let go of me.

I took off through the crowds of people. I took off upstairs knowing that Grayson's room and bathroom would be my safest bet for a clean space and unoccupied space. I ran my fingers along the picture frame that always hid Grayson's room key. My fingers gripped around the metal object and slid them into Grayson's door knob.

I entered his room and took a deep breath as I shut the door behind me. The feeling of claustrophobia left me. For the first time all night I didn't have sights of another person. I forgot how overwhelming being around this many people felt. I definitely needed this break.

I crossed Grayson's room and entered his bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and spewed whatever contents held in my stomach from the day. It was the first time in a week or so that I had thrown up. I tried to block out how miserable throwing up was and this brought the feeling right back. I hated it more than I hated Ally. That was saying a lot.

I wiped my mouth as I flushed the toilet. I washed my hands before I squirted some of Grayson's toothpaste across my finger and rubbed my finger around the surfaces of my mouth. I filled my mouth with water spitting out the remnants of toothpaste from my mouth. I washed my hands again erasing any trace of tooth paste from my hands.

I dried my hands on the towel hang above the toilet before stepping back into Grayson's room. I found myself studying objects in his room as I tried to settle my stomach. I saw my presents spread across his bed. I smiled as I spotted the card I got him propped up on his bedside table.

"Breaking and entering on my birthday Charlee girl?" I jumped as the male voice filled the room.

Grayson laughed as I turned to face him. "Sorry, I needed to use the rest room." I pointed to his bathroom.

"Never apologize. I was just joking. You sure that's the only reason you came up here?"

I nodded my head. "Just needed to get away from all of the noise and people for a second. And had to pee." I lied.

Grayson walked across his room knocking my card over on his bedside table. As if I hadn't already seen it. I pretended like I had no idea what he had done. Easier to play stupid than question him when he had alcohol in his system.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. He deserved a little bit of birthday love. I mean, I knew he was getting it from all the girls at the party, but they didn't really have substance. He pulled me in tight, squeezing my body in his arms.

"Why are you escaping to your room on your birthday?" I said as I rested my head against Grayson's chest. I knew he didn't want to let go. I was going to let him hold on as long as he wanted to. It was his day to do whatever he wanted.

"Just needed space. Even in a crowded room I feel alone on this day. It's hard growing a year older without her." Grayson said holding back tears. I could tell by the way his breathing changed after the last sentence left his mouth.

"Her present is amazing." I raised my head off his chest to look at him. "I stared at some of those photos earlier today before coming over here. You can really tell in photos how much you two loved each other. I'm sorry it had to be this way Gray."

"She's in a better place now." Grayson's arms dropped from around me as he reached up to wipe his face of fallen tears. "She's not constantly drowning in pain. I wish I could have saved her. But some people just can't be saved. No matter how much help they get. No matter how much the people around them try. Our brains are just hard places to be sometimes. I know you understand that."

I nodded my head.

"Emery would never want me to dwell in pain over her. That's why I try not to. Of course I break every now and again, but it's rare. I'm just trying to find someone to compete with her. They will never replace her. I have to find someone who is going to accept the fact that I lost my soulmate, the love of my life."

"You will Gray. You are a catch. When you go off to college and spread your wings, you'll meet thousands of new people. I promise someone will be out there to fill the gap in your heart. They will accept you and your past." I smiled. "Pierce accepts me and all my bullshit."

"You have lots of that." Grayson said as he ruffled my hair a little as if I were a little kid.

"I know." I scrunched up my nose. "Maybe I should work on that huh?" I laughed.

"Nah, it makes you who you are. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't either. I like you just the way you are. You and all your quirks and all your pain in the ass antics." Grayson kissed the top of my head.

"Well Grayson Tyler, I think I should return to my boyfriend. He might start to think I fell into the toilet. Thank you for convincing your sister to allow me to come." I walked over to his door. "Also know, Emery loves you forever."

I smiled as I left his room not looking back.