" 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 ,, || killugon oneshots

𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕

A/N: spoilers for basically the ending sjdhfhdskjdf thats all

[ ~ ]

"If I could, I'd be your little spoon
And kiss your fingers forevermore
But, big spoon, you have so much to do
And I have nothing ahead of me
You're the sun, you've never seen the night
But you hear it's song from the morning birds
Well I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star
But awake at night I'll be singing to the birds

Don't wait for me, I can't come

Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me
But I do, I think I do
And you're an all-American boy
I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl

You're the one
You're all I ever wanted
I think I'll regret this"

[ ~ ]

If Killua could, he would ensure that him and Gon were more than friends. But he was so far from being ready to confess. 

But seeing as how Gon had such ambitions, and how Killua had no goals in life whatsoever, any sort of relationship beyond what they had would be stupid in Killua's eyes. He would only hinder Gon, hold him back. 

Killua thought of Gon as light. If Gon was the sun, if he was light, Killua was the moon, he was night. They couldn't have been more opposite in that aspect. Gon, radiant Gon Freecss, who was such a ray of sunshine. And Killua, Killua Zoldyck, who was nothing but a puppet of darkness, devoid of passion, as his older brother told it.

But Killua couldn't be a moon, or even a star. He wasn't that good, not at all. Sure, he could boast his combat skills, and his Nen ability, but in heart, in sheer goodness, he couldn't measure up to Gon. He couldn't measure up to anyone in that aspect, really.

But he could sure as hell try to be the best friend Gon could have.

And that worked out until they were splitting up at the world tree. 

The look in Gon's eyes made Killua feel as though he were asking an unspoken question. Are you sure you don't want to come?

Killua mentally responded as his smile dropped, just a little. I can't. You shouldn't wait for me anyways.

Mito Freecss was the only one who didn't know the extent of Killua's abuse, but when she found out, the blend of empathy and anger that overtook her face was honestly confusing to see. She had hugged him that day.

Killua both did but didn't understand how it was so terrible. Duh, no one should whip their child, but honestly, he'd let Milluki beat the shit out of him if it meant Killua wouldn't have ever split up with Gon. 

And Gon wasn't perfect, but in Killua's eyes, he was close. And though Killua thought he failed, he did give it his all to be the best for Gon. 

Gon was everything Killua had ever wanted. A friend who really cared about him, and eventually, someone who Killua cared about as more than a friend. 

And because of what Illumi had told Killua during the final phase of the Hunter Exam, when he decided to go with Gon after he came to retrieve him from the Zoldyck Estate, Killua knew if they were caught by Illumi, he would regret it so much because it would hurt Gon.

But he was willing to take that chance.

And now, Killua was alone with his thoughts on an airship, his sister sound asleep next to him.

Killua looked out of the window and up at the stars. Really, they were the same stars he and Gon had looked at by their campfire a few years ago.

Everything else had changed, but the stars stayed the same. 

And that was something Killua could smile at, unlike everything else that had been swirling around his head.

Maybe, he was at the very least a star.

Because the sun was a star, too, right?

A/N: skdjfhdjs i love mitski sm 😭😭😭

my adhd in the background relating her music to killugon and combining my hyper fixations: 😈😈😈

anyways yeah if i'm lucky then i will make literally a fourth one shot tonight dear god help me 

and yes it will be based off of another mitski song <33

thats all, ty for reading !