" 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 ,, || killugon oneshots

𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

"Take care!" Gon had exclaimed, his eyes closed and smiling wide. An expression of pure happiness.

"Yeah, you too." Killua had responded, internally mulling over the fact that he and Gon were parting ways. This was temporary, right?

Take care? What does that even mean? Take care of myself? Of something else?

Killua's lips pulled themselves into an expression of confusion, though he knew he was overthinking the ambiguity of the simple phrase. He just wanted a reason to keep hearing those words in his head. The gruesome part of him, the one that was always worried about death, was expecting those words to be Gon's last. But that couldn't be possible, right? He would make it just fine, and they'd reunite again soon enough. It's all okay, it'll all be okay, this is all temporary.

Right?

The silver haired boy sighed. He knew that all this worrying was a waste of energy, and that it was all so stupid, but he felt as though he couldn't help it. He probably could, but his anxiety never seemed to stop. And so, he continued to worry about almost every little thing.

Ever since Killua had met Gon, he found himself worrying about Gon the most. Truthfully, it began as little things. "He won't hurt himself if he does something stupid, right? And he's eating what he's supposed to be, right? He can handle this, right?"

But overtime, those small anxieties only grew and grew. "He won't get himself killed, right? He'll follow through with the plan? He won't run off and do something selfish? He can take care of this, right? " 

Killua trusted Gon, he trusted Gon with his very life. Most of the time. But when Gon was reckless, his worries swelled tenfold and he started to wonder if his best friend was really capable of handling certain situations anymore.

And suddenly, his worries shifted. Sometimes, instead of worrying for Gon's well being, Killua would worry about what Gon thought of him. "I'm his best friend, right? Yeah, I am, he's told me so. But what if he's lying? No, Gon wears his heart on his sleeve, he barely lies. If anything, I'm the liar. But if I'm already his best friend, why do I want to be more? What even is more than a best friend?"

The poor Transmuter couldn't wrap his head around all the things swirling through it. And it annoyed him, confused him beyond belief. Before he had Gon, he felt like an unfinished puzzle. He thought if he had friends, he would feel complete.

And yet, when he met Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika, Gon was the only one who felt like the missing piece.

Gon was the only one who made him feel complete.

And Killua tried to tell himself that it was just a best friend thing once the confusion started, and that he was overthinking again.

So if he was overthinking it, why did a small hole open in his heart? And why did it feel like only Gon could fill it? But he wasn't, and if Killua tried to verbalize how he needed Gon to fill it, it would only ruin things. He'd break the only nice thing he'd been given. 

Killua's dual saving grace and biggest anomaly was the fact that he didn't know how to vocalize nor label how he needed Gon to fill that hole. If he didn't understand it himself, why should his best friend be burdened with worry over it? This was something he could, no, he had to figure out alone. For his sake.

But then, it dawned on him. 

After Gon and Killua had reunited with Leorio and Kurapika, who broke the news that they were engaged and were to be married. 

Killua realized that that was how he needed Gon. Partially.

Marriage was a heavy label, something that he was far from ready for, age wise, and emotional wise. 

But he realized that he needed Gon how Leorio needed Kurapika, and vice versa. 

And that was a big realization. Step one complete: label the need. Now, step two: vocalize it.

Step two felt so much more impossible even though step one was completed. 

Leorio had insisted that they get dinner since they were all together, and especially because he was starving. So in honor of Leorio and Kurapika's engagement, they all headed to a restaurant.

While seated, Gon initiated the conversation. "It's so cool that you guys are going to get married!" He exclaimed happily. Kurapika smiled softly at him. "Yes, we're both very excited for the day." 

"Are you gonna wear a dress?" Killua asked, half teasingly. Kurapika's current outfit really did look like a dress, so it truly wouldn't surprise the silver haired boy. 

Kurapika looked slightly annoyed but kept his composure. "You'll see for yourself, considering both of you are invited." 

Gon only grew happier at the prospect. "That's great!" 

Leorio smiled, and soon after their waiter came with their food. They all began eating.

"Hey, Leorio?"

"What is it, Gon?"

Gon swallowed the food he had in his mouth. "One day, you and Kurapika can come to me and Killua's wedding!"

Killua choked on his pasta, coughing and trying to get it out. It dislodged from his throat 10 seconds later. "Idiot, why would you say that?!" He hissed, face flushed scarlet. 

Gon pouted. "You don't wanna get married to me?" He asked, honestly sad. 

Killua held his gaze, his azure eyes meeting Gon's hazel.

"It's not that-"

"Then what is it?"

All the while, Leorio and Kurapika sat across from them, observing their conversation. They had both known the nature of Killua's feelings for Gon, despite him never saying anything about it to them. They both bore amused expressions, clearly enjoying the sight in front of them.

"I just.. I didn't realize you wanted that." Killua spoke, voice soft and cheeks heated.

"Of course I want that! I wouldn't want to get married to anyone else." Gon stated, his words true.

And all that time Killua spent worrying was now stupid, because all along, Gon felt the same way. In that moment, he filled the hole in Killua's heart.

He completed him.

Killua thought back to when they had previously split up, and how he mulled over the simple phrase take care, despite knowing how Gon meant for it to be taken.

And even though it meant for Killua to take care of himself, the prospect that Gon really did want to marry him had him thinking of that phrase in a new light.

He didn't want to just take care of himself. He wanted to take care of Gon, too. 

And truthfully, that's what he wanted to do all along. So while the anxieties and worrying were unnecessary, Killua would worry like that again and again just to ensure that one day, they really would tell each other vows and wear rings. 

He wouldn't worry over those silly things anymore, not as long as Gon kept his promise.

And as for the marriage, he figured they'd work out just fine.

A/N: alsdkjfhsjoalskdjhgafghjklalkjshgafdafgahjakallakjhagfadafgahjkala;lkajhgafdafgahgfadafaghagafdafgahjhagfdafaghjk;lkjjjhhhhhgfdfaghjkl

that's really all i have to say on this chapter sjjsjsj 

anyways we got one more planned chapter to drop tonight !! so i hope you enjoyed this, and will enjoy the next one!