This Is My Story.

Thoughts.

04/03/15

I want to shoot myself.

There it came, out of nowhere.

I don't even understand why I thought that? I don't want to shoot myself? Why on earth would I want to do such a thing, that is crazy talk, and would hurt like a bitch.

But the thought is still in my head and I don't understand why, I'm not suicidal, I don't actually want to do it, but I just keep saying it over and over in my head.

It's like a broken record.

That I can't turn off.

I want to shoot myself, I want to shoot myself, I want to shoot myself.

No.
Stop.

I don't want that.

That's what I hate about thoughts, you can't shut them off, you don't have a choice, they will just keep going and in the end you start to believe it.

Not this though.

I'd never believe this.

I want to Live.

I want to love life.

I do love life, I love most of the people in my life.

I have an amazing girlfriend, incredible friends.

I don't want to end my life.

I would never want that.

Honestly if there was an elixir that would allow me to live forever I would.

But it's my thoughts, they haunt me.
Make me want to run away.
But I can't obviously.
Because how can I run away from my head?
Now I sound like a crazy person.

Maybe I am crazy?

Well I know I am.
But not mentally.
Atleast I hope not.