This Is My Story.

Taking a leap.

1/11/16

Wow... Reading back on the things I used to write about, I can't even believe that I used to be in that place, I swear back then it's like no matter what I was talking about, I would always find a way to mention "Her" In my entry's and lord, reading back on them annoys the fuck out of me, to think I even felt that way towards her, I know I did, that's something I can't deny, and I won't deny it, but thinking about it now I struggle to believe it, because if I am being totally honest, I feel like it's because of her that I was so depressed in 2015, she used to put me in such a state of depression that I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't even want to leave my bed. 

I know it's wrong to put that on someone, but it's true, I am blaming her wholeheartedly, because my head was always so fucked up, and I think I was so fucking twisted around her that I couldn't see she was completely destroying me, I see it now though and I don't plan on ever letting that fucking happen again. 

I am so happy and so content in my life right now, sure okay everything might not be perfect, is anyone's life every actually perfectly? I mean realistically? Shit even Barbie can't be perfect, but I don't need my life to be perfect, I just need to be happy in it, and happy within myself, and I am, I really am happy. 

Not only have I done so much with myself this year, I've seen so many beautiful countries, seen such beautiful sceneries, In a way I feel like I have found myself, I don't feel lost anymore, I feel like I know what I want, I know who I am in a way, I feel so incredibly healthy right now, sure I have my bad days, we all do, but fuck my life has been so good this year I really can't complain, I have no reason to. 

There's been a few people that have pissed me off and made me want to kill them, but hey that's life, and those bitches are still living, clearly otherwise I would be in prison right now, though I do like to think I would be able to get away with murder, I am a crazy bitch like that. 

Right now, I feel good, the friendships I have with people right now are good, we're slowly getting back on track again with each other and making things work out, I'm spending more time with the people who I used to spend every day with as a kid, and I've missed seeing them, but also because there's a girl who I swear is going to have me falling head over heels for her, I swear someone has untied my laces because I've already tripped multiple times, I just keep waiting for my face to smack the concrete, it hasn't just yet though. 

As scared as I am to take this leap and accept her into my life, I'm doing it, because life is all about being scared and taking risks, I don't know what is going to happen, because I can't tell the future, all I know is that I love this feeling and I am chasing it.