This Is My Story.

Disappointed.

20/09/15

There is always one word that will forever make our hearts drop to the pit of our stomachs.

Disappointed.

Or more specifically the sentence.

'I Am Disappointed In You'

It's one thing to be angry or to be upset but to be disappointed is a whole new ball game.

It's a completely different feeling than when someone says
'I Am Angry With You'
That's okay, angry I can deal with, I can even deal with you being upset, but disappointed?

Is what I did really so bad that you're disappointed in me?
Because I spoke my mind and was honest with someone.
That's all it takes for you to be disappointed?

I don't know if you were actually disappointed or if you had said it in the heat of the moment, but either way, it was something that you still said.

I tried to act nonchalant about it.
Act like it didn't bother me.
But it did.

I understand that the words that I said were harsh, but I didn't mean for them to come across that way, I was being blunt and I was being honest.
I also understand that you thought the girl was going to kill herself because of what I had said to her.

But is that a reason to be disappointed in me?

If she did attempt suicide, that would not be my fault.
I did not put her in that place.
And I would not put the blame on myself if she did do it.
Because that would have been her decision.

I'm still curious as to why you would be disappointed in me though?
Was me being honest and telling her that I don't like her such a bad thing?
I would do it again.
I wouldn't change things just so I didn't have to hear those words.

I won't lie to someone.
I care to a certain extent.
But I won't change the way I do things, to save you from being disappointed in me.

Disappointed is a strong word.
Much like hate I guess people say.
But I'd say disappointed is one hundred times worst.

I would take someone telling me they hate me any day.
But hearing someone tell me they're disappointed.
It genuinely makes me feel depressed and makes me want to curl up and ignore the world.

I know now, that when I have said it to people that they must have felt the exact same way.
But I was being honest with them when I said it.

I wouldn't say it if it weren't true.
But it's a horrible feeling.
To have someone disappointed in you.