This Is My Story.

Sad.

06/04/15

It's like I set myself up for misery.

Whenever everything is really good, and I am so happy, I have to do something that messes it all up for me and makes me sad and depressed.

I don't do it intentionally.

At least I think I don't.

I don't really know that I have messed up until it is too late.

I don't understand why I do this, why I push on subjects too, just to make things worse.

Instead of shutting my mouth and letting it go, I keep pushing and pushing.

I always regret it in the end.

Because I hate this feeling.

Misery, depression, self loath.

Why is it so hard for me to just keep the peace and stay happy?
Am I trying to cause arguments?
Do I do it purposely?

But I don't mean to, I never mean for it to turn into an argument or to have people getting upset with me.

I do it to get my point across, and it just never works out for me.

Like my opinion always fucks me up.

It's my thoughts though.

It's true what I said before, that your thoughts are your worst enemy.

Because they just continue to eat away at you until you can't take it anymore, so you express your feelings, but then you regret it in the end.

You wish you had kept it all to yourself.

But then you don't, because you needed to let it out, because you was sick and tired of feeling the way that you did.

So I done that, but it didn't make me feel any better.

It just made me feel sad.

I've felt sad all day if I'm honest, like I really don't fit in today.

That I'm just being ignored.

That I'm not wanted.

Or more of people really don't care what I have to say.

It's not the first time I've felt like this, but it never really bothered me until today.

And well now I'm just feeling depressed.

But I deal with it of course, I have to right?

It doesn't just go away.

I always get out of this mood when I'm in it, but while I am in it, it completely consumes me.

To the point where I feel numb.
I'm getting to that point.
No emotions.
Just emptiness.

I want you.
I need you.
But right now, you're not happy with me.

So I'll stay alone.
That's okay.
I'm used to being alone.