This Is My Story.

This Girl

8/1/16

This girl, I don't even know where to start when it comes to this girl, have you ever loved someone so much that it physically makes you want to cry? There's moments when you're just staring at them, and your heart is bursting in your chest, and your head is literally screaming, and your eyes start to burn because they want to release tears, but you bite them back so you don't look like a total muppet crying because you love them so much, well that's how this girl makes me feel. 

The thing is that is was so unexpected, but I think that's when relationships are best, because if you expect something, some of the excitement is gone. 

Is it insane to say that we have been in a relationship for two months and I'm in love with her? Because believe me I am, maybe it happened too soon, and things moved too fast, because she's already living with me, but lesbian time is different to hetero right? LOL 

Either way, I can't lose her now, I've grown so attached to having her with me, and sleeping in my bed, and waking up to her, that I can't even begin to think about not doing that, and that scares the living crap out of me, I've never felt scared in a relationship, because I don't want to lose her, because my body and my heart has grown accustomed to having her around, which is surprising because I literally can't stand to be around anyone for more than four days, because I love my space so much, sometimes I can't even stand to be around people for a few hours, but with her, it's like I can't get enough, I could spend every waking moment with her, and then still want to spend more time with her, lord I swear this is unhealthy. 

We haven't even had a fight yet and she's been living with me for a month on Monday, and we're still in the honeymoon phase, we've gotten pissed at each other a few times, I've wanted to kill her a few times and I'm sure she's wanted to do the same with me, but we haven't had an actual fight, we just tend to ignore each other until the other one caves, which doesn't take more than ten minutes, we're so weak. 

When she told me she was unique when she first started talking, I thought it was funny and that she was a total dork, well she still is a total dork but she's my dork, but she was right, she is unique, because there is no one like her, there is no one that would ever do the things that she does for me, the way she cares for me and the way she loves me, I don't even need to hear her say the words, I can see it in her face and feel it in her touch, do you know how incredible that feeling is? To be able to actually feel love, there's not even a word to try and describe it. 

This girl has my heart, and I trust her with it completely, I don't think that I could trust anyone more with my heart, because I can see how much she cares for me, and that she would never want to hurt me, and never would atleast not intentionally, she'd feel guilty for a long time if she ever did, and would end up beating herself up over it, I know I don't have to worry about her hurting me, I don't even believe I need to be scared that she's going to leave me, which sounds kind of big headed, but I think it's true.

But it's still so early, and I still can't help but think, maybe she'll get tired of my arse, or maybe she'll get bored, especially because she has moved in so quickly, but I've just decided as she lays here in front of me, farting her smelly arse away, that I don't care if that happens, because either way she isn't going to be getting rid of me, hell nah, that's never going to happen. 

She used to joke with me and tell me I only have a few weeks if I want to get rid of her, because once I hit I certain time, she won't let me go, and then jokes about me signing the contract and agreeing to deal with her crazy arse, well she signed a contract too, and it's a lifetime contract and there's no loophole for her to get out of it, because I don't just see our relationship as now, or a few months, I see it as forever, I see a marriage and a family, I see us in our own house, sneaking down at two in the morning to make snacks, and sitting on the kitchen floor, the only light coming from the open refridgerator, I want us laughing and acting like teenagers again to wake our kids up, and have them walking into the kitchen rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and asking what their mummy's are doing, and we'll be bad parents and ask our kids to join us, and we'll find them snacks from the fridge, then we'll go put high school musical on and dance around the living room, we'll keep our kids off of school the next day, because they'll be too tired from us keeping them up all night, I see so much for me and her, and I can't wait for it all the actually take place. 

This girl has my heart, and she can keep it.