Strawberries And Cigarettes

Chapter 29

Ryujin's POV

My palm is already turning red from slamming the door of Yeji's condominium. I still believe that we haven't put an end to our relationship. Maybe that strawberry scented girl is just hiding somewhere...what if she's just there, waiting to be found?

I stood still and my hand fell down on both sides when the door opened, revealing Yeji. Her eyes looks swollen like she was awaken from a deep sleep.

"What?" she asked, slowly closing the door until I could only see the other side of her face.

"Talk to me..." I plead. I know I'm being stupid but I can feel it— I don't wanna give up. I've took a risk already and I won't care taking more risk just to see that strawberry scented girl.

"I'm talking to you right now, what do you need?"

I held the side of the door to push it so I could see her clearly. "Why did you hug me in the first place? Yeji...if your heart turned cold when it comes to me, you wouldn't do that but you did. You said I ruined you, right? You gave me answers that weren't satisfying in my ears. So please tell me something that could satisfy my heart...how on earth did I ruin you?" I looked at her but she shifted her eyes from mine.

"I hugged you? When? While I was playing games on you?" Yeji turned her back from me and started walking towards the bed.

"I called you last day when I was drunk. You came," I heavily breathed while following her steps. "Yeji— you came." I said, emphasizing my words.

"You said you're drunk, why would I come to your place and hug you?" this time, Yeji faced me but I couldn't see that intimidating Yeji right now. I can't see her right now. I know I wasn't dreaming when I saw that strawberry scented girl last day because up until now, she's here. She's here right in front of me.

"Because you were hurt— remember when I asked you why I haven't seen you crying? Why you always prioritizes others feeling, why you always settle for less when it comes to your feelings?" I know that my tensing jaw is visible because I'm trying my best to hold my tears.

"Ryujin...only you can hurt me, only you can soften my heart. It's only you, Ryujin. No one can hurt me other than you so please don't hurt me...I don't wanna cry and I don't wanna get hurt."

"You told me those things that I know, you still remember. Right? You remember every inch of what I remembered from before. You remember that one? You told me that so I tried my best not hurt you. Think about the past, we've been together for almost a year but did I hurt you back then? Physically? Did I make you jealous? I would always update you when we're not together, I would always check on you, did I fail to make efforts? I did everything, even learning every chords of your favorite Disney songs...others might not know why I'm so head over heels for you— but I know that deeper inside, you know why I'm right here, standing and telling these things." a single teardrop fell from my right eye, followed by endless tears that won't stop. "I can be the most arrogant back then, but you know I was a crybaby for you and up until now, I still am." I reached for her face, cautiously placing my palm on her cheek, "I was blinded with hate and confusion...I thought I don't know you at all but darling, you may not be very expressive back then but you were unaware when you showed me who Yeddeong was." my thumb softly brush on her cheek. This is nostalgic...

"Even if you wear thick make up...y'know that I can point out your freckles, right? Even if you won't smile, I can still poke the exact spot of your dimple— just like how I could still smell your strawberry scent despite you, not spraying strawberry perfume on your body. It was on you...it was never gone..." I stated while looking at her with my dripping tears. The more blurry I see her, the more I see that strawberry scented girl, "If I broke you then I'm sorry. I'm willing to break myself over and over again just so I could mend your broken heart. I'm willing to do everything, Yeji...just point out my mistakes because I don't know how to do it on my own. I don't even know what I did wrong...but I'm willing to listen, please tell me...I want you back." Yeji's hand held mine, slowly removing it from her cheek. I want to kiss her forehead and utter some more...but by Yeji's look, I know I shouldn't go too far.