euphoria | cazzie

The First Fight With You

I was on my way to Clayton to pick Izzie up. My heart was going a million times a minute. When I saw Clayton approaching, I heaved out a strong breath to calm myself down. "Casey Gardner," Izzie greeted, getting into the car. "How are you beautiful?" I asked as she leaned in for a kiss. "Good. Missed you though. I have so much to tell you. Quinn nearly poured acid in Mr Jarvis's pants!" She laughed and I snickered. I was feeling left out the entire day because I was dying not being at school and knowing what was going on. "What did you wanna talk about?" She asked and I cleared my throat. "I'm bringing you to get slushees. Then we'll talk," I said and she smiled. It hurt how she was so cheery and I felt absolutely guilty, knowing that I was about to ruin that. The rest of the ride, we talked about random things before we finally got to the 711.

    I walked back to the car with two slurpees in my hands and a packet of Twizzlers before getting into the car. "Newton you know me so well," She said, snatching the Twizzlers out of my hands. She took a sip from the slurpee and closed her eyes, savouring the taste. "If Crowley finds out we're eating junk we're dead," She said. "Anyways what did you wanna talk about?"

    I wanted to spill out everything but no words came out of my mouth. I was guilty. I knew what I did was wrong. But she has to see my side on this right? "Ummm... it's about your dad," I started, looking down. "Alright what about him?" She asked calmly, chewing on a Twizzler. I was half-shocked that she replied so quickly and seemed unbothered to talk about him. She probably noticed the surprise on my face. "I know it's not easy for you too. So I'm willing to be open about him if it makes you feel better," She said, twirling my hair between her fingers and I felt goosebumps when she smiled at me. "No I'm not... asking about him. I have to tell you something... about him... about us..."

    Now she was confused. "What does that mean?"

    "Last night... I just had to go see him..." I muttered.

    Silence overcame us for what felt like years but I was too scared to look at her. Eventually I felt her soft hand take mine. "Hey? You're good. Continue," She whispered.

    How is this girl not mad at me yet? I fucked up so bad and she's still holding my hand? I am so damn lucky.

    "I met him at Stewart Constructions... I made a deal with him so that I could have you forever... then he offered a different deal..."

    I tightened my grip on her hands because I was scared she would let go. I reached over and kissed her, my hand on the side of her neck. She was surprised, of course, but started to kiss back. It was the only way to calm me down. The only way to make me strong enough to tell her everything. "What deal did he offer?" She asked.

    "He... gave me a job... in exchange for his approval..." I choked out as the tears welled in my eyes.

    Silence.

    "I'm sorry Iz. It felt like the only way."

    "It's not though. There are a million other ways."

    "Like what?"

    "Secret relationship? Long-distance if he made me move? Me moving out of my place completely? A million fucking ways Gardner."

    Silence.

    "What job is it?"

    "Personal assistant..."

    "Wow. Thanks for choosing him over me." She got out of the car.

    "Izzie wait!" I exclaimed, leaving the car and saw her walking away. "How are you gonna get home?" I asked and she stopped. "I'll get a cab," She said, taking out her phone. "Come on just let me drive you home at least." She turned around and walked towards me. "I don't want to be with you right now," She muttered. My heart ached. She always wants to be around me. "Can we just talk about this?" I pleaded.