Jump Then Fall

53.

They were going to talk. His mother had taken the kids for the evening, mostly because she kept reminding Meredith at New Years Day lunch that they needed to talk so three days later, it was no surprise that she had shown up and offered to take the kids, leaving them home alone to talk. It was like the elephant in the room as she sat on the bed, waiting for him to come upstairs after cleaning up downstairs. She wanted to be able to talk to him and things had been going really well but they hadn't talked about anything. They hadn't spoken about the attack or the fact that Leighton was a sense of protection for her. They hadn't discussed it and now, they both knew it was time to talk.

"If those kids get one more toy...our house is going to just be filled with Barbies and robots." Derek laughed, tossing something of his that he had picked up onto the bedside table. "Remind me not to buy them anything else."

"I think we would have trouble with that." She replied, walking over to her dresser, pulling her sweater off of her body.

"Probably." Derek chuckled, laying back on the bed.

"I think Leighton's more spoiled then ever." She replied, turning to face him as she stood in her black panties.

"I...if you're going to stand there half dressed...you have to come over here."

"I'm getting dressed." Meredith rolled her eyes, reaching for a sweatshirt before tossing it on the bed.

"It's nice to have some quiet."

"Yeah." Meredith whispered, walking over to the bed, sitting down before reaching for the sweatshirt again.

"So we um..."

"Yeah." Meredith slid her arms into the top. leaning into him at the same time.

"Mmm...love you." He kissed the top of her head.

"Love you too."

"No nightmares last night?" He whispered.

"No." She lied.

"I want you to feel safe here...and not scared."

"Mmm....I do."

"But you still have nightmares..."

"I still have nightmares." She admitted.

"Tell me about them...about it" Derek breathed, running his fingers through her hair. It wasn't going to be easy but talking about what had happened was the only way things would get better.

"I don't know how to start." She breathed, closing her eyes as she tried to think.

"At the beginning of that night." He whispered.

"At the start?"

"Yeah..."

"I went to the bar with Cristina and Alex....just for drinks."

"To forget about me..."

"To forget about everything."

"But you were with them..."

"I was with them but I didn't feel like staying....so I left."

"I just...I could kill Alex for letting you go alone."

"It's not his fault."

"Or Cristina...quite frankly she's pretty scary."

"Yeah." Meredith whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the wall.

"I told you before..." Derek whispered, leaning his head on hers. "How guilty I feel."

"It's not your fault."