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Summary: Her hands were shaking. Maybe she was being selfish. She was escaping the pain, only to push it on to him. Maybe, she was not saving him at all. --- Season 6 finale, in which Gary Clark pulled the trigger.
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Hold On a_dam_crazy_fangirl
Chapter 1 "Shoot me"
Meredith Grey was not afraid of dying. At least, in that moment she wasn't. And maybe it was because she was not thinking. Maybe it was because it scared her even more to have to bear with the pain of the aftermath of it all. Having to deal with her world crumbling down at her feet. Having to deal with losing him. This felt easier.
"And the man on that table...I'm his wife. If you want to hurt them, the way that you hurt, shoot me"
Her hands were shaking. Maybe she was being selfish. She was escaping the pain, only to push it on to him. Maybe, she was not saving him at all.
"I'm your eye for an eye"
Cristina's voice felt like a mere whisper, far away. Her hands stopped shaking.
She was not afraid. She was not thinking at all.
"You tell Derek that I love him and that I'm sorry"
Gary Clark had blue eyes, but they were nothing like Derek's. They were filled with hatred and death, and yet, she tried to imagine him standing in front of her. Maybe, if she got lost in his eyes, if her last thoughts were of him, dying wouldn't be that painful.
She didn't get the time to visualize him though.
Gary Clark pulled the trigger.
"We cannot tell him!"
The lights felt too bright. The voices were too loud. He couldn't open his eyes.
"I am telling you he won't make it if we do".
The beeping of the machines was soothing, but at the same time annoying. Something, everything hurt, and yet everything felt numb. His head was heavy. He wasn't awake, at least not yet. If Derek had been awake, he would've seen the two people standing at the side of his bed. He would've noticed the one person that was missing. He would've fought the intubation, but he couldn't breathe on his own, not yet.
But at the moment, Derek only knew that something felt terribly wrong.
The next time he was slightly conscious, it felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on his chest. Everything ached, his throat was on fire, and the second he managed to open his eyes he started gagging, fighting against the tube they had shoved down his throat. His heart started racing and the monitor wouldn't shut up. He felt trapped, and he couldn't breathe. Panic embraced him, and he had no rational thoughts left. He was trapped. He was going to die. Was he going to die? The beeping didn't let him think. Maybe he was indeed going to die. Except, he couldn't. And then, as the nurse began to fiddle with the tube, he was able to bring up a rational thought, that he apparently had shoved to the back of his mind. He couldn't die. He had made a promise to Meredith, and he sure as hell was going to keep it.
Sleep came and went in waves, taking him in and out of consciousness, but he was never fully awake. Until he was. Until he managed to open his eyes and there was no one there to greet him.
Cristina thought she would never feel like this inside the OR. Since she'd been working with Teddy, she'd always felt in control. Since her father died in her arms, since she'd felt his heart stop beating beneath her tiny hands, she had promised she would never let herself feel this kind of pain, of fear ever again. And yet, there she was. The tears blurred her vision, and all she could really see was Avery's blurred form in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to lift up her face, to look into the eyes of the man that, at the moment, held hers, and everyone else's life, in his hands.
Just when she felt the fear taking over, when the drumming of her heart was to overwhelming and her hands began shaking uncontrollably, when she really believed the fear could not possibly be any stronger, it just got way worse.
"Shoot me"
Cristina had a family. At least, that's what everyone said. She had a mother, and aunts and... cousins? She was supposed to have a family. She'd had a family since day one, a good one, everyone said. Except she didn't. Except it felt like anything but that. She never liked those people, their words, their money, their thoughts. She loved her mom, sure, but sometimes it really felt like it was out of obligation, a feeling she was supposed to have, no matter what. They never understood her, and the only person she could always find comfort in was her dad. Until she couldn't. Until he was ripped away from her. That day, she lost her family, and she never thought she would find one again.
Then all of a sudden, she met her. Another girl without a family. Cristina couldn't really tell when it happened, but she became everything that had been missing since that day. They turned into a small family of two that they began to expand, slowly, until it even included the man whose heart was now, still beating, beneath her two - not so tiny anymore- hands. A family that was now big, and even welcoming a fresh, new life. A family she couldn't bear to lose.
"Wait, wait, she—she's pregnant"
She finally lifted her head, and the knot on her stomach got even tighter. It was painful. Gary Clark shifted his stance, and although she couldn't look into his eyes, she felt his determination. Cristina knew he was not going to change his mind. Meredith had just given him something better, a sweeter revenge.
"You wouldn't shoot a woman who's pregnant" she tried again, because she had to save her family.
"Please" It was now a desperate cry, one she could barely muster.
When the words fell from her lips, and Gary Clark didn't move, she realized her mistake. If Meredith's life wasn't good enough, this was better. He wanted revenge, he wanted to spread his pain all around, make it worse, make everyone around him feel it too. Everyone, but specially the man he felt had caused all his pain in the first place. What could be better than taking his wife and child, all at once?
Thoughts of losing her father swarmed in her head, and then she just heard a loud noise, ringing in her ears, taking her family away. She saw it happen all over again.
