ao3 merder stories& one shots

Ferry Boat Scrub Caps pt.3

Chapter3

Seeing that Derek was calming down, so was Meredith, breathing along with him. But the easier he was breathing, the harder she was. Focused on calming him down had momentarily taken her mind off of what had just happened, but seeing as he was calming down, she was realizing all over again what was going on. As though losing him, bit by bit, all over again. She wondered what felt worse, him asking about Addison and thinking she was his wife or the fact that he had forgotten all the life that they had built together... Did he even remember the kids? Oh gosh, her heart dropped in her chest.

The feeling of Derek's hand loosening around hers was Meredith's confirmation that he was calming down. She was not expecting him to speak up, and she was slightly pulling away when he called her his wife. She felt her heart skip a beat as he did, her eyes locked with his. He was staring right into hers, she could see him taking in the information, and though she wanted to smile and be supportive, she was crushed. And she knew it was not his fault, but to be looking into his eyes when he was convinced he was married to Addison had thrown her back in time in the cruellest way, to the darkest time of her life. Because losing Derek then had been horrible. And it felt like she had just lost him a little bit again.

He was clearly talking to himself, talking himself down from the panic, and feeling as his grip loosened and he slipped to his head, Meredith slowly leaned back and pulled away. Bailey approached and Meredith swallowed thickly as Derek's words resounded. I must be the luckiest man alive. She felt a pang in her chest. She pulled herself up from the bed.

Her whole body was numb. Completely numb. She stood up, almost feeling like she would not be able to hold herself up, but she managed to. And she turned to Bailey, her eyes finding the woman's, and she swallowed back that large lump in her throat before she managed to say in a mutter, "Sedate him." What she really meant was sedate me. And that was the only thing she said before turning away and numbly walking her way out of the room. She passed the doorway, and then it was as though her ears shut. She could hear people calling for her, like Bailey stepping out of Derek's room to call for her before rushing back into Derek, seeing as she would not stop walking. It all just became noise in the background, she felt like she was not even in her own body as she made her way down the hall.

She just walked and walked until she found herself walking into Derek's office, and she shut the door behind her, locking it before her back rested against it, and she let herself slowly sink to the ground. It took a moment before she pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket and stared down at the screen a moment before searching up for her voicemails. There was only one she had saved... She swallowed thickly before shakily pressing her thumb on the play button.

"Hey, it's me... I'm on the ferry. I just wanted to say... God, I wish you could see this. Weather's classic Seattle. The water is so blue. It may be the most perfect ferryboat ride I've ever had in my life. We're gonna do this a lot more when I get home, by the way, you, me, and the family. We're just gonna take a day and ride the ferryboat, all day if we want... I love you, Meredith. I know I just left, and I'm not even at the airport yet, but I just wanted to say... I love you. I love our family. And we're gonna keep doing this. I'll see you when I get home. I love you."

Meredith looked around the office, looked at all that was Derek's stuff, at the pictures of the kids on the desk, thinking of the moments they had shared in this couch, around this desk, the morning quick kiss before surgery by the doorway... Those memories they used to share but that now, only she remembered. And Meredith wondered if that was what it felt like; losing a husband.

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The smooth feeling of Meredith's hand leaving his left him with an empty feeling in his chest. But the words didn't stop flowing from his mouth. It was something he couldn't control. Meredith is my wife. Meredith. He looked down at his empty hand and then up at Meredith as she leaned towards Bailey.