ao3 merder stories& one shots

Ferry Boat Scrub Caps pt.4

Chapter4

It was like the sparks of a fire when you first light it. It starts small and eventually erupts into a full flame; something to keep you warm and safe whilst you spend the night camping. The memory was there. It started small, Derek repeating 'I'm married' over and over in his head, even as he looked at Meredith. Then out of nowhere a flicker of blue.

Derek frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. He pushed it away. He couldn't place the memory. It was making his head hurt. Instead, he pulled at the pillow behind him again, finally pulling it loose - allowing him to roll onto his back fully, his stomach no longer aching. He dropped the pillow to the floor and pushed the sheets down to his waist. His gown didn't fully close; the nurses had simply covered his front and left his bare back against the sheets so as not to aggravate his newly sutured wound. He pulled at the gown, pulling it from his shoulder enough for him to lift it so he could look at the bandage covering the left side of his abdomen.

"So that's why I feel sore." He grumbled and dropped the gown again. Blue. There it was again. He could barely focus on what Meredith was saying to him. He just kept seeing blue. He made himself comfortable again and looked just past Meredith as it hit him at full force.

"Okay. What do we want to promise each other?"

The words slipped out of his mouth. He couldn't stop them. His gaze landed on Meredith now.

"To love each other, even when we hate each other. No running. Ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens and to take care of when old, senile, smelly. This is forever."

Nothing could stop that memory now. Nothing could cloud the fact that he was married to Meredith Grey. He couldn't remember the specifics of their life, but he remembered that.

"Do I count as senile and smelly?"

Meredith watched as he pulled the sheets down and looked up his waist, frowning as she looked down, trying to see from where she was. She guessed he was taking in the results of the accident, what his body had been put through, which was normal. But she did notice that the bandages had been changed and she wondered why, but before she could say anything, his words cut her right out of her head.

What do we want to promise each other?

It felt like a complete throwback in time. Him, her, the residents lounge, a pack of blue post-its that Cristina had given her, as well as Cristina's pen in Derek's hand, and Meredith sitting before him as they listed off their vows. Their wedding vows. All of which Derek then recites perfectly, as though they were right back in that room a couple of years ago.

Meredith froze in her seat and stared back at Derek, shocked. The tears were there, but she fought them back. Or maybe a few welled up in her eyes that she was unable to hold, but she could not know, she was too shocked and hung up on the words Derek was reciting to even worry about that.

And in classic Derek, he threw in that joke and Meredith just sat there, still, shocked. Or maybe this was the emotional blockage, the wall she had put up to be able to face this and hold it together. Still, as he always did, Derek managed to pull a small smile from Meredith, a tinted with sadness one for sure, but it was still there. She gulped and nodded. "The post-it."

"The post-it." His smile was back. It was a big, classic Derek Shepherd smile. Things were not perfect. He was still hazy from the sedation. Everything felt fuzzy at the edges and his pain was beginning to creep in again, but the world stopped when he looked at Meredith.

Nothing else mattered when he looked at her. It was just Meredith and him, existing together and nothing else mattered. The pain he was feeling, the confusion settling into his mind, the fatigue in his body, it all went away because he was looking at Meredith. He no longer cared that he had been hit by a semi-truck or that Grey Sloan was written on the sliding door to his room. He didn't care that Meredith was older and so he must be too. He didn't care that he didn't remember his life, because she was there.