ao3 merder stories& one shots

~Hold On pt.2~

Chapter 2
Derek was alone. Why wasn't she there? Where was his wife?

He felt lost, and the world seemed to be spinning. He couldn't really move, but he could tell he had drainage tubes poking trough his skin, he had an IV in his arm, although he was not intubated anymore, an oxygen mask covered his face uncomfortably and it just felt like he was drowning in a sea of tubes, wires and monitors.

His head pounded and his eyelids felt heavy. He knew how this worked, he knew he had just come out of surgery, and, by the throbbing he felt in his chest, he assumed it had something to do with his heart. But why? He could only recall bits and pieces of what had happened earlier in the day.

1. Meredith smiling brightly in his office that morning.

He started to make a mental list, in an attempt to make sense of the blurry images that clouded his head, to put them together into something coherent.

2. April Kepner in his office, soaked in blood. A shooter in the hospital.

3. Gary Clark

4. "I can't live without you. If you die, I die"

Him, on the ground, Meredith's desperate cry. He tried to ignore the feeling that her words felt like some kind of omen. But he didn't die. He was alive, so she had to be okay too. 'I can't live without you either' was the last thing he was able to think before pressing on the PCA pump, waiting for sleep to claim him once again.

It was hard for Derek to know how much time had passed. At that point he couldn't even tell if it was still the same day. He was desperate to get any information about, well, anything really. That was his hospital, and Gary Clark had come for him, no one else. He had come for him, and he had gotten everyone shot. Now the question was who was everyone? And the same feeling he had earlier came back, but before his train of thought could go any further, he saw Owen Hunt entering the room.

"Shepherd, I heard you were awake. How are you feeling?" Hunt looked just as exhausted as Derek felt.

He only grunted in response, before asking what he wanted, no, needed to know.

"M .. Meredith?" His voice was raspy and disgusting, his throat was on fire, but he kept going, "Who else? M' what... what happened?" the oxygen mask fogged as he tried to speak, and it probably came out as an incoherent mumble.

Owen shifted uncomfortably, which was not good, but it at least meant he had heard him. What was even worse, was that Derek even saw a painful flash of recognition in his eyes when he said Meredith's name.

"I don't know if it's a good idea to talk about that right now, but I can tell to you about your surgery. It was good"

"M' kay" the words came out of his mouth slurred, he hated it.

"He came here for me. I..." his voice cracked, and god it was embarrassing and sad and degrading, and he tried to fumble with the mask, in an attempt to remove it, but the second he tried to move his arms a searing pain shot up through his sternum. Somehow, he managed to continue speaking, as Owen moved closer, probably because he couldn't really make out the words that were clumsily stumbling out of his mouth.

"I got everyone shot"

"Stop that, right now. But, for what's worth, I know the feeling" Owen knew pain better than most, anyway. Even the kind of pain he was going to definitely inflict him if he told him about his wife. That made him think about his sister, which he definitely didn't want to do right now, so, before Derek could mutter a response, he talked again.

"You had a GSW to the chest. Meredith and Cristina took you the OR, and Cristina did the surgery. She was amazing man. It looks like everything is healing up well, as long as you follow the post op instructions. Altman will probably come later to check on you, she's in Seattle Presbyterian now..."