ao3 merder stories& one shots

~Hold On pt.4~

Chapter 4
Gary Clark glared at him, his eyes bloodshot, filled with grief and anger. So much anger.

Derek didn't know what to do, because he hadn't felt this vulnerable since his father had died. Staring into the barrel of that gun, he was taken back to that afternoon when he had to watch those men shoot his father for his watch. In a second, he was that powerless little boy again, years after promising he would never let himself feel that kind of fear again.

Now, he was going to die, just like his father. Except his father hadn't done anything. He was a good man, an innocent man who was murdered in a stupid robbery. Derek, on the other hand, may deserve this. Looking into Gary Clark's eyes, seeing that grief so painfully clear, he felt like a murderer again.

Suddenly, Jen's husband materialized besides Mr. Clark.

"You killed her! You're a murderer! Where's my wife?" he was now uttering the words he had screamed at him not so long ago.

Maybe, he deserved this after all.

He saw Mr. Clark move his finger, almost in slow motion, as he pulled the trigger, but he never heard the gunshot. He felt pain searing through him, straight into his chest, but when he placed his hand where the wound was supposed to be, there was no blood staining his fingers.

Derek looked around, his hand still clutching to his chest, but he couldn't see anything other than the two men looking into his eyes. He took a hesitant step forward, but his foot stumbled against something. He lowered his gaze, afraid, and when his eyes met the body on the floor, his blood ran cold.

Meredith.

Derek woke up shivering in cold sweat. A nightmare. It was the first time he had really dreamed since his surgery, and it was not a welcoming experience. Rationally, he knew this could happen, but still, it was terrifying.

Meredith.

He couldn't be dreaming these things, especially now, that she was more or less missing. The dream was extremely unsettling, and it seemed like it was more than a nightmare. That's when he realized something terrifying.

Derek had a feeling, and he was not sure he was able to wait for it to pass.

His heart was beating rapidly, and he hoped the monitor didn't send a nurse running into his room. This whole thing was humiliating enough. He was still shivering. His entire body ached. His fingers brushed lightly the PCA pump. He weighted his options. Pushing the button, relieving the pain, but being engulfed by darkness.

Derek was afraid to fall asleep again. He pressed the button anyway.

This time, there were no more dreams.

He'd been drifting in an out of sleep since April visited his room. He still had tubes everywhere. There was the gastric tube, the chest tubes to drain fluid, and even the catheter he hated so much. It was already dark outside, and he there was no watch in sight, which was frustrating.

He was exhausted, and in pain, but he had a feeling that wouldn't go away. His mind kept reeling around Meredith, and it was scary. She hadn't been there, of that much he was sure, even being somewhat high on pain meds. The bag April Kepner had brought didn't help, at all. Because why would she do that? Why would April even risk taking stuff from Meredith's locker and bringing it to him if she was alright? He knew Kepner was scared of his wife, and this seemed extreme. April would never actually touch Meredith's things unless she was hurt, or not coming to the hospital in a long time. It made no sense.

The thought brought him back to his feeling.

On top of all that, being a patient was exhausting. They'd made him clear his lungs at least twice already, and every time he could feel his chest being engulfed by flames. He didn't want to do it anymore. Maybe next time he would be able to convince the nurse to go away. He hadn't asked her name yet, which was wrong, he knew that. Derek just didn't have the energy to do so.