ao3 merder stories& one shots

Ferry Boat Scrub Caps pt.2

Chapter2
The touch of Derek's fingers intertwining with hers had never felt this powerful, this reviving. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she glanced down at their hands, her fingers wrapping tighter around his. It was as if all the things she feared they would never get to do, as simple as they were, they were right there now, they had not gone away. The touch of his hands in hers, his fingers brushing on her skin, his eyes looking into hers, the sound of his voice... suddenly only the little things mattered. Maybe this had served as some reset. The past year had been awful, their marriage had nearly fallen apart, they had parted and this was like some shaking up event to show them how futile the rest of it all was and how what truly mattered was right here, holding each other's hand and looking into one another's eyes, just breathing, just being together, alive.

Meredith looked up to lean eyes on Derek again, catching him looking around the room until his eyes found hers again, and she felt like she was melting all over again. She would never get enough of him looking into her eyes, ever. Unloading the accident topic felt heavy, especially not knowing what he remembered, but she knew he deserved to know. Maybe for now, she would keep it simple and later on give him more details, he did not need the extra shock right then and there.

As Derek echoed her words, she wondered if he was remembering or if this was just the information sinking in, it was hard to tell. She felt like she was on the edge of her seat, not quite knowing how he would react or if he was strong enough to handle this even. The last thing she wanted was for his blood pressure to blow. But he just went straight to telling her how he felt, sharing his thoughts on the bandage and she nodded her head in response to his guess. She did not want to go straight into details about it all, it felt like much given his current state, so a nod of confirmation seemed response enough.

There was no getting enough of the way he looked at her, she could see it in his eyes. But somehow, something felt off. She could not quite put a finger on what it was about, maybe it was the accident at the cause, he had undergone a severe head trauma after all. She caught him sighing and felt his hand squeezing hers, but before she could have time to squeeze his back, he was pulling it away. She slightly frowned, confused as to why he would pull it away, but his following words took the shock to another level. Her frown washed off, replaced by both raised eyebrows and a completely thrown off look on her face. What the hell was Addison coming in for exactly? Meredith stared back at Derek speechless for a moment. "-Addison?"

Derek watched Meredith's reaction, even looked up at the doctors that still seemed to be gathered by his door. Bailey. He could always read Bailey, even when she thought she was scaring him by staring him down. It was only because she wanted something. Her shock was written all over her face. He frowned and brought his attention back to Meredith. Her question puzzling him.

After everything they had been through, he knew she knew who Addison was. But he felt he had to clarify. "Yes, Meredith. Addison. My wife. Shouldn't she be here?" He looked back at Bailey as if he was expecting her to answer his question. "I know she and I have had our differences, but she's still my wife. She's my next of kin isn't she?" He never had changed that, even if his plan had been to leave Addison for Meredith after catching Addison with Mark.

Derek frowned and brought a hand to his face, running it over his features before rubbing at his temple. His brain felt like it was beginning to fill with fog. He couldn't make sense of anything. "Meredith." He snapped. He didn't mean to snap, but it was like he didn't have full control of his actions.

"What's happened? Where's Addison? Why is yours and Mark's name on those doors?" He needed air. That's why the fog was creeping in. He was beginning to panic. His chest began to rise and fall quickly, his hand was now gripping the sheets as the anxiety attack rolled through his body with full force.

"Someone tell me what's going on."

All of a sudden, it was like she was thrown back in time. Her whole body stiffened and she heard Bailey gasp in the doorway, obviously thinking what she was thinking. The head trauma could be causing memory lapses, but even though Meredith hoped this was not permanent damage, she was not even at the point of processing that sort of information. All she was hit with, and by all, it was a lot, was the fact that the past ten years plus had vanished from his head, and so had their marriage, apparently.

It took everything out of Meredith to hold it together and not react. To hold it all in, to sit still and control as best as she could her face that usually showed all she felt, but at the moment really could not. Because deep down she knew, this was not Derek's fault. But being thrown in her face his marriage and commitment to Addison felt like being thrown straight back to the darkest times of her life.

Lost in the moment, in taking all this in, Derek snapped at her with her name and she slightly jumped, turning to him, the look in her eyes had changed, even though she did not mean for it too; she was awful at covering up her facial expressions. And then if it could not possibly hurt any more, Derek asked about the name on the doors, and it hit her. If he thought he was still married to Addison, that meant he remembered this place as Seattle Grace Hospital... not Grey-Sloan. Oh, crap, she thought. She could not go there, not now, this was too heavy, he had just woken up. This would be enough to set him back in a coma, or worse raise his blood pressure and that, no, that was a no. She swallowed thickly, feeling Bailey stepping forward but she jumped right in before Bailey could intervene. Because as much as she knew she meant well and meant to help, this was for her to handle. Because she was his wife.

"Derek, you and Addison divorced years ago," she muttered, her voice hoarse; this was rough, but she slipped into doctor mode for a moment to kind of help get out of the emotional zone. Her voice was soft, and she was impressed at how she was able to do that. She stared at him a moment, almost unable to say it, but needing to. "I'm your wife, now." She ached to say it, the now. She swallowed thickly, almost unable to, after saying that, feeling uncomfortable in her skin.

Meredith noticed as Derek got agitated, gripping at the bed, his voice getting louder, his breathing faster. Swallowing, Meredith got into action for a moment and grabbed his hand. "Derek, it's alright. Breathe with me. Breathe with me." She grabbed his other hand and forced him to look her in the eyes. "Look me in the eyes, breathe with me... That's it, in.... out... just breathe," she told him, breathing in and out with him until his breathing would regulate.

It felt like the walls were beginning to close in. The room seemed smaller, the air seemed thicker and he couldn't get enough of it. He could see Bailey staring at him, concern etched on her face. When he looked at Meredith he could see the pain on her face. The pain he had caused.

He and Addison had divorced? He was married to Meredith? He looked at his hand and sure enough, there was a golden wedding band. If he had been in surgery he assumed someone had placed it back on his finger afterwards. It looked slightly dirty like something was on it, residual blood maybe? He looked back at Meredith.

He could hear people talking but he couldn't focus on one voice. There were words floating around. Sedation. Blood Pressure. Harm. Was he harming someone? Was he harming himself? Meredith?

It was then that he felt a hand on his. It made him jump, he pulled away at first until he traced the hand up to Meredith's face. He looked into her beautiful eyes, tried to focus on her face.

It was older. Of course it was. If he was married to Meredith he was obviously suffering from a lapse in memory, his mind wasn't working the way it should. He took a breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. He continued to do this until his grip on Meredith's hand loosened. Until the room stopped feeling like it was closing in on him. His eyes never left Meredith's. "You're my wife." He breathed. "Meredith's my wife." The grip his other hand had on the bed loosened.

"Meredith Grey is my wife." He took a shaky breath and looked to Bailey, she had gloves on now but he couldn't see what was behind her. "I must be the luckiest man alive."