For one last time || My story.

damsel in distress?

“....And at 3am you sit near the window and wonder if there is magic... because all you need are some fairies to take your pain away and help you sleep... you take a book to read... you take a pen and a paper to write...you cling on some music that might just make you fall asleep... yet nothing helps... another sleepless night and all you want is the dawn to break soon....”

― Sanhita Baruah

.....

My memories seem to be smogged.
I am not able to remember when it all began. 

I always felt I was different.
Different from others. I always knew I was treated differently.

I don't know when it all began but I remember some incidents from when I was 12 because that was when I started writing. I used to maintain a journal those days. But I know age 12 wasn't the beginning of my trauma, maybe it was the beginning of the documentation of my trauma, but not the beginning.

I think it started when I was in third grade, or maybe it was there right since when I was born and I was too naive to notice. The reason I say third grade is because that is when I started dreaming, or let's say fantasizing about him. I used to call him Rey/Reyansh back then, I reckon.

Yes you have guessed it right, Rey was my knight in shining armour.
Before you go like "hey most girls grow up dreaming about their prince charming from stories and movies and you are not the only one and blah blah blah..."

But I wasn't most girls. It was different for me. I didn't grow up watching Disney movies about knights and prince charmings.
Hell, I wasn't even allowed to have male friends.
So believe me when I say I didn't know the story of damsel in distress and the knight in shining armour coming and saving her.
The concept was foreign to me back then. 

But Rey was my saviour. My rescue. My peace.
I thought about this savouir when I didn't even know I needed saving. I just wanted to be with him, I wanted him to be there for me. 

Now you may ask why I needed saving or from whom I wanted Rey to save me from?

I wanted him to see me from them. This them, they are the people who stole my childhood from me, the ones who broke me, who damaged me beyond repair. They are the reason why I am here writing this today.

Them are the very reasons for my existence, an existence I wish never occurred. Them is none other than my "family"

Note.

Thank you for reading.

Please do not say that you are not a damsel in distress and you don't need a guy to save you. You don't know the whole story yet. There is a reason I said what I said. Please be patient. You'll know the truth soon.