For one last time || My story.

my perfect escape.

i need someone
who knows struggle
as well as i do
someone
willing to hold my feet in their lap
on days it is too difficult to stand
the type of person who gives
exactly what i need
before i even know i need it
the type of lover who hears me
even when i do not speak
is the type of understanding
i demand

- the type of lover i need

 Rupi Kaur.

.........

I'm a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world.
This lyric from barbie girl hits home, except I'm not blonde. Not so sure about being a bimbo. But, yeah I do live in a fantasy world. 

I am an ordinary girl Dreaming, fantasising and living in a fantasy world for as long as I can remember. I think I have been doing this ever since I was 8 or 9 years old. 

I used to have this perfect world, where this not so perfect guy comes and rescues me from this hell that I live in. 

Typical damsel in distress story you guys, but I don't think I first fantasised about him. 

I think I first dreamt of this perfect family, where I have 1 or 2 older brothers who even thought irritate me alot, but still love me to death, like Lily and her brothers, or like Jade and her brothers**. And I am their only sister, a family where where I am my fathers little princess and whenever I  fight with my brothers, he is biassed towards me and always will support me, and my mother braiding my hair in different styles, telling me that I am smart and good girl, educating me about girl stuff and hugging me and just.. you know… loving me. 

I wanted a family where I felt worthy, where people wanted me, where people loved me, where they cared about me, where I was not invisible. Where I was a priority too. 

But after some time, I just stopped thinking about it. It was too impractical to imagine something that is not even remotely possible. 

But I still had hope for Ayaan. (I don't remember what I had named him back then, and I have changed a lot of names through time, but I like this one the most. This one is like a reflex to my lips)
I used to imagine him taking care of me and loving me and fighting for me with other people, my family. At first I never had a face for him but now I do. Ayaan is 6ft tall, with tan brown skin, jet black curly hair, and chocolatey eyes. He has a smile that could kill, and yes he has dimples too. He is muscular and really really hot.

His personality is.. I don't know how to describe it, somewhat like Hardin, all scowls and rude and arrogant and somewhat snobby. But he isn't all hardin. He's a person who never smiles or cries. He is an epitope of emotionlessness. He doesnt give a fuck about anyone who is not his family. He's rude but at the same time he's kind. He is a mixture of hardin (after) christian grey (fifty shades series) Arjun Punj (kitni hai mohabbatein) Yuvraj Vikram Singh Rathore (khoobsurat) and so may other male protagonist from books and movies, but at first, I think I only fantasised him like Arjun Punj from kitni mohabbat hai. It was my favorite Indian television show. I was 9/10 when it was on air. Arjun and Arohi were just perfect. 

And yes, he has a traumatic past. I mean it only feels fair for him to have a traumatic past because I have a traumatic past. It's like I think, I don't deserve someone who isn't broken. 

And then there's me (in fantasy world), a girl who smiles all the time, but no one really knows what she hides in that smile. She is all bubbly trying to run away from her past and then she meets Ayaan. I know it's cliche and sounds like all the wattpad romance novels but hey! I have been imagining about him all of this way before wattpad existed. Like from 2008/09. I only came to know that there is this book app called  wattpad after/in 2018. And it's not even been a year for me since i joined wattpad. So no, I didn't copy any of it from those romance books. I mentioned Hardin's name because when I read After, he reminded me of my Ayaan.